Andy Dawson: Ten things football taught us at the weekend

The Profanity Swan wasn’t happy with last weekend’s offering and he’s here to let the world know…


It was the worst EPL weekend of the season so far

Best league in the world? Richest players? Non-stop drama? Stick it in your hole – that has to have been the most tedious top flight round of fixtures in living memory. When Watford winning at Newcastle is the most awe-inspiring result, we’re in massive trouble.

Watford winning at Newcastle *was* impressive though

If he’s thinking that a move to Everton might be an upgrade, Marco Silva should stay where he is for now and keep on doing what he’s doing because there’ll almost certainly be a more illustrious vacancy somewhere in the top six in the next 12 to 18 months. Granted, Newcastle are a soft touch at the moment but the manner in which the Hornets beat them proves that Silva knows what he’s doing and that Watford’s lofty league position is no fluke.

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Newcastle are sleepwalking into trouble

Everyone seems keen to bleat on about what a basket case of a team Everton fans are being forced to watch, but they’re only two points shy of the Toon in the league. And it’s been two months of mainly grim results on Tyneside, with some fans starting to question Rafa Benitez’s decision-making. Takeover or no takeover, the January transfer window could make or break their season and a quick return to the Championship isn’t out of the question.

That goal from Willian was a shot

Of course it was – and even if it wasn’t, let’s just say that it was. We need SOME kind of magic to believe in after that weekend from hell.

David Unsworth probably isn’t going to get the Everton job

I’ve weighed up the pros (used to play for Everton) and the cons (is presiding over a horrifying descent into footballing oblivion with his team devoid of ideas, passion, inspiration and quality) and have come to the conclusion that I won’t be placing a shiny pound on Unsworth remaining in the Goodison hot seat for much longer. I know – it’s controversial, so feel free to argue with me in the comments bit below.

Short sleeves or gloves – not both

I’m looking at you, Sergio Aguero. You’ve been doing it for years and I’m convinced you’re just taking the piss now. They’ll hand out post-match bans for diving now and yet this sartorial atrocity goes unpunished? Disgusting.

It was a f**king awful weekend of football

Oh, and it has been revealed that the average weekly wage in the Premier League has risen ABOVE FIFTY THOUSAND POUNDS. And just look at the dross they served up at the weekend. Enjoy your convertible cars, hot tubs and five bird roasts you underachieving pack of frauds.

Cut Ryan Shawcross and he bleeds defending

The man is a defensive rock, but unfortunately his animal instinct to prevent goals kicked in when he was alone and a yard from Crystal Palace’s goal line on Saturday. If Palace stay up by two points or fewer come May, Shawcross’ howler should be the defining moment of their season. And they should pay him a bonus.

Sunderland are back, back, back!

A win AND a clean sheet in Chris Coleman’s second match in charge, albeit at lowly Burton Albion. Stand aside, Championship teams – I feel a charge for the play-offs coming on. (None of this is related at all to the 1000/1 I took on my team being promoted last week…)

It was a significant anniversary

25 years since Eric Cantona signed for Manchester United. No single player did more to raise the quality and the profile of the Premier League than Eric and there is no one in the league today who comes close. Did I mention that it was a shite old weekend…?

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What do you think?