The world of professional wrestling was rocked to its very core last night when a County Louth man revealed the sport is fake. 34-year-old Shaun Blaney made the earth-shattering claim in the comments section of a Facebook post about the 2020 Royal Rumble by a popular Irish betting site.
The qualified electrician, a well-known critic of the sport within his own household, wrote: ‘You do know wrestling is fake lads?’.
Millions of wrestling fans around the world were gearing up for the 33rd Royal Rumble when the Louth man’s astounding claim sent the internet spiralling into meltdown. The news sent shockwaves across the globe with over $4B wiped off the WWE’s market value overnight and riots erupting in Los Angeles, North London and Dunleer.
An emotional Vince McMahon was forced to make a public statement before last night’s pay-per-view show in Houston, Texas.
The 74-year-old WWE CEO addressed the audiences inside the stadium and at home from ringside.
‘I’m sure most of you have heard the rumour which broke on the internet today that wrestling is fake’, said McMahon while choking back the tears.
‘I regret to inform you all, it’s true’, he added.
Furious fans inside the stadium began ripping up seats and throwing them at McMahon before security guards hurried the infamous promoter backstage. Thousands of others continued to riot inside the stadium while other more reasonable people in attendance simply asked for their money back.
In the wake of McMahon’s confession, thousands of men in their mid-to-late 30s took to the internet to vent their fury.
‘I’ve wasted my life’, admitted one lad who was wearing a bright yellow ‘Hulk Rules’ t-shirt in his Twitter profile pic.
‘Are you trying to tell me I spent the past 30-years believing the Undertaker was a f**king demon when all along he was just a big ginger fella who rolled his eyes back in his skull??? B@stards!!!’, Tweeted another lad whose Twitter handle was ‘@DeathValley81’.
But some fans just refused to accept the fact they’d been duped all these years by a bunch of large oily men who stamped their foot on the canvas every time they landed a ‘punch’.
— Paddy Power (@paddypower) January 27, 2020
‘So, what are you trying to tell me? Dwayne Johnson was just acting in all those matches? Well I’ve seen everyone of that man’s movies and he can’t act for sh*t. I don’t believe you’, wrote another disgruntled fan who’d painted a warrior bat on his face using his mam’s make up.
Following on from his revelations about professional wrestling, Shaun Blaney has packed in his job as an electrician and starts with Wikileaks next Monday. Meanwhile, the popular Irish betting site’s social media team are also in shock and currently departing Houston airport in tears.