Andy Dawson: The super feats of Croatia’s Luka Modric

The Profanity Swan is back to look at Croatia’s star man Luka Modric ahead of their World Cup semi-final with England and he’s just that damn good…

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If you were still sober enough to focus properly by the time Croatia played Russia on Saturday night, you’ll have been dazzled by Luka Modric’s virtuoso display in midfield.

England need to be very wary of the pint-sized wizard on Wednesday night, and it seems that his otherworldly skills extend way beyond the football pitch… as these 100% true facts surely demonstrate…

Like this for example: If you’ve forgotten to put your bins out the night before, Luka Modric will whisper ‘biiiiiiinnnnns’ in your mind as you sleep.

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Luka Modric knew where Jack Wilshere was headed six months ago.

When Luka Modric goes into a house for the first time, he taps the side of his head with his forefinger and his phone automatically connects to the wi-fi.

Luka Modric knows exactly which boxes to tick so he never accidentally subscribes to marketing emails.

Luka Modric knows for certain whether it’s Maybelline or not… but is sworn to secrecy.

There are ten colours in a Luka Modric rainbow.

Luka Modric would have buried ALL those chances Sterling has missed.

Luka Modric has got the ‘black black’ Nandos’ card that is blacker than black itself… and allows him to park his helicopter on the roof.

Luka Modric has got a really hot girlfriend but you wouldn’t know her because she goes to another school.

Luka Modric used to play Fortnite on his Nokia 3310. And he clocked it in under three hours.

Luka Modric knows which couple wins Love Island… and one of them is Luka Modric.

It’s coming home, it’s coming home, it’s coming… to Luka Modric’s home.

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What do you think?