Vive La Bantz: Check out Paddy’s special alternative crests for the Euro 2016 nations

Definitley not racist

Euro 2016 Ball

To celebrate our Euro 2016 coverage

And give our designers something to do, we've come up with 24 alternative crests for every team at the competition.


Albania Fake Crest

Going by the mighty engine that is Google Albanians spend more than 300 million pounds on cigarettes per year. Naturally, we decided to put an Albanian player weaving his way through while lit up.


Austria Fake Crest

Okay we may have been a little bit tipsy watching Eurovision while doing this one. But it’s only a couple of letters difference, no one will notice.


Belgium Fake Crest

Belgium is pretty famous for two things. Waffles and chocolate. Which reminds us that it’s lunchtime. Time for some waffles with chocolate sauce. Mmmm. Chocolate…


Croatia Fake Crest

We were struggling for a Croatian stereotype. But then 101 Dalmations came onto the office telly. Disney got us sorted!

Czech Republic

Czech Republic Fake Crest

”What’s the most obvious joke you could make about the Czech Republic?
”Their keeper’s name is Cech and he is Czech”


England Fake Crest

Less than 12 teeth? Check. Tits bigger than 80’s Pamela Anderson? Check. Hardman tattoo of Matilda the bulldog? Check. And a St.George’s Cross.This is Engerland.


France Fake Crest

What do we really know about the French? Not a lot, so we hit them where it hurt most. Their culinary habits and traffic! Take that France.


Germany Fake Crest

That classic feeling. You get up early to get the good tanning seats by the pool. But the bloody Germans are always there first! Stupid tanned Germans…


Hungary Fake Crest

Ha ha ha. There’s a country that’s name is also a feeling you get when you don’t eat for a while. Hungary’s crest was on a plate for us. Pun obviously intended.


Iceland Fake Crest

Decent at football , debuting at their first European Championships and Eskimos. That’s why mums go to Iceland.


When you’re hungry more often than not you’ll fancy a pizza or a pasta dish to fill you up. Perfect then for our Italian crest which also brings in their notorious history of terrible driving. That’s a spicy meatball!

Northern Ireland

This crest containing the Titanic is definitley not, we repeat, NOT a representative of Northern Ireland’s chance of qualifying out of the group. Definitley not.


He’s supported you by literally building all of the walls around you, so help support Aleksy with the help of our Polish crest.


Give yourself a pat on the back if you can think of three other players for Portugal. It’s all about one man and will forever until CR7 hangs up his hair gel.

Republic of Ireland

Well, we couldn’t not rip the piss out of ourselves could we? Throwing a set of sunglasses on a potato while waving a foam finger with number four on it. Whatever could we mean by that…


Romania Fake Crest

Muahahaha! They are going to suck your blood while making you watch what is sure to painstaking football before flying off into the night! Muahahaha.


Russia Fake Crest

Vladimir Putin upon a strapping stallion. But of course we censored out his man tits. #FreeTheNipple


Slovenia Fake Crest

Hopefully the CzechoSlovakians are like the Chinese ie a great bunch of lads. We don’t really fancy Borisov slamming down the door of Power Tower in the next couple of weeks.


Spain Fake Crest

We’re not sure of the Spanish for ‘bullhorn up your arse‘. So we’re just gonna chill like the dude on top and catch those all important rays. He managed to get ahead of the Germans!


Sweden Fake Crest

Ever want to get rid of all of your anger? Forget a punching bag, get yourself an IKEA flatpack like the girl in our Swedish crest with the short skirt. We’re not insinuating anything. Or are we?


Switzerland Fake Crest

What’s the best way to use a lethal weapon such as a Swiss Army Knife? To cut some Swiss cheese of course. Swiss Swiss Swiss. LOLZ.


Turkey's fake crest

Like Hungary, this one came to us on a plate too. Only it was around Christmastime. Sometimes you have to make the obvious joke – or all the time if you’re in Power Tower.


Ukraine Fake Crest

Ah come on you’re making this too easy for us. We’d love some chicken Kiev. Or some Turkey. Or some Swiss cheese. God damn we’re Hungary now. Ba dum bum tish.


Sheep shagging dragon! You’re just a sheep shagging dragon! Sheep shagging draaaaagon! Luckily enough, Welsh people won’t see this as they’ll be a bit busy in the fields.

What do you think?