The Coronavirus may have devastated worldwide sports schedules, but fear not Sky Sports has wall-to-wall thrilling action from some lesser-known sports. With all major leagues off until further notice, the hopelessly sports addicted public have been left with the grim prospect of having to become property show Ultras or, worse still, making conversation with their loved ones.
But before you trawl the internet for a grainy feed of an Argentine eighth division match, take a look at some of the gems on offer on Sky.
The World Championships of Solitaire
The Coronavirus outbreak has had little effect on the professional Solitaire circuit and the action promises to be more white-knuckle than ever as the World Championships hots up.
Single-player card games are famed for their drama and this year all eyes will be on seven-time champion Remy LaRoux watching for his legendary slight nod of the head that confirms he’s triumphed over the deck.
Can LaRoux deliver another tour de force? He’ll let us know very soon.
British cheese rolling time trials
While the main event may be postponed until further notice, fans of Cheese Rolling will be pleased to know that the sport they love will continue in a modified form. Rather than all the contestants taking part in the chase, they will take turns to chase the cheese down a hill with the fastest time being declared the winner.
While cynics may say that what you’re watching is merely a middle-aged man chasing a lump of cheese down a hill and could be seen anytime a supermarket bag splits, experts will tell you that it promises to be an epic, tactical contest and a great chance for Cheese Rolling to finally get the prime time audience it deserves.
Another sport making its debut on Sky Sports is a live stream of Tesco in Croydon where some of the world’s most dedicated and ruthless athletes will compete for the coveted prize of a 16-pack of toilet roll.
Watch as the contenders race through the aisles, barging and elbowing all comers out of the way in search of items that a few weeks ago they couldn’t have cared less about.
Table Tennis…against a wall
There had been question marks over whether the Table Tennis World Championships would go ahead, but the International Table Tennis Federation has now dragged the table up against a wall and will pit the greatest players in the world against an eight-foot slab of brick.
Can Lee Sang-Su prevail? Will Kristian Karlsson’s masterful defensive play come into its own? Or will their new enemy, an immovable brick wall, get the better of them?
Sky Sports News
As if this deluge of sporting excellence isn’t enough, Sky will still be offering insightful news and analysis from Sky Sports News. Viewers can be assured of 24-hour, non-stop speculation about the speculation of whether or not they may soon be some news about sports.
*Please note: These sporting events are, in fact, not real or happening on Sky Sports. Except for the last one.