We have welcomed President Trump to Ireland with his very own presidential motorway services – dubbed “Donald Plaza”.
The ostentatious petrol station is the second of its kind to be built on Irish soil in honour of a US president. The first came in 2014, when the nation paid tribute to Barack Obama’s 2011 visit with the construction of Obama Plaza, near the spot where he famously shared a pint with a distant Irish cousin in Moneygall, County Offaly.
This not-so secret service station boasts golden shower facilities for those needing a special freshen up, a Mexican building supply store, and the Make Americano Great Again Covfefe café, among other tremendous amenities.
The giant erection – the petrol pumps, that is, not the President – appeared in the heartlands of Co Clare this morning, just a tee shot away from Trump’s golf links in Doonbeg.
Donald Plaza is expected to become a place of pilgrimage this week for fans of dodgy toupees, robot wives, and very very repetitive use of adverbs.
Spokesman Paddy Power said: “Obama Plaza put Moneygall in Co Offaly on the map here in Ireland after the ex-President was reunited with his distant cousin during his 2011 visit to the nearby town. And, while we couldn’t trace any of Donald Trump’s ancestors to the area, we thought this was as good a place as any to slap a service station in his honour.
“It’s remote, features derelict views and the beginnings of a wall are currently under construction. The similarities between the Plaza and Trump are actually remarkable when you think about it.”
— Paddy Power (@paddypower) June 5, 2019
In true Donald fashion, the petrol station is decked out in gold, chandeliers, and dripping with classiness, offering a tremendous set of facilities and services:
● We have the ‘Make Americano Great Again’ Covfefe Café – Where patrons can grab and go by purchasing a pick-me-up for those long drives, inspired by one of the world’s most famous Twitter screw-ups.
● Vlad’s Auto Repair – Quick and easy collusion – err, collision – repair, to help you fix anything. Cash only.
● Golden Shower Facilities – A facility fit for a Presidential powerhouse, not to be mistaken for a reference to a certain pee-tape controversy, because that was fake news.
● Tremendous-Macs – The President is no stranger to hamburgers (or hamberders), so we’re serving up the absolute best.
● Jose’s Wall Supplies – They’ll build it, and even better, they’ll pay for it.
● Stormy’s Shakes – Because no hamberder is complete without indulging in a little guilty pleasure on the side to wash it down. Warning: They tend to repeat on you.