Donald Trump pardons Joe Exotic, plans to open big cat sanctuary ​

Landing on his feet


Donald Trump has issued a presidential pardon to Joe Exotic as they prepare to open a big cat sanctuary in Florida together.

The flamboyant duo made the announcement via Trump’s Bebo page after the outgoing President finally remembered his old password for the popular noughties social networking site.

‘It’s gonna have big cats, beautiful cats, the kind of cats the world has never seen before’, wrote the 74-year-old billionaire.

‘All the big ones are gonna be there folks. The lions, the tigers. Even Cringer and Battlecat. It’s true, you can ask anybody’.

The 45th President described Joe Exotic’s incarceration as ‘the biggest’ miscarriage of justice in US history.

‘Melania and I binged watched Tiger King during lockdown and it was obvious from the get-go Joe was set up’.

‘If I hadn’t pardoned Joe today, many people might have viewed my presidency as a failure’.

Trump revealed he sees a bit of himself in the 57-year-old convicted felon.

‘I have many friends who tell me Joe reminds them of me, you know?’

‘Maybe it’s the platinum hair or the cheesy Wotsit-coloured flesh tone? Or perhaps it’s the murderous hatred we have for our female rivals, Hillary and Carole’.

Self-proclaimed ‘Tiger King’ Joe was convicted of animal abuse and murder for hire charges against Carole Baskin in April 2019.

‘I had my time with coke. I had my time with drinking. I had my time with meth’, said Joe when describing his limo journey from Federal Medical Centre, Fort Worth, earlier today.

‘Donald and I share a vision of what America today should look like’.

‘Mullets, guns and dangerous animals’.

Meanwhile, Trump has confirmed Joe’s dentally-challenged ex-husband John Finlay will reprise his role as zookeeper at the new facility.

‘John’s literally chomping at the bit to get started’, revealed Trump.

‘It’s a new challenge he can really sink his tooth into’, he added.

Joe and Donald’s Exotic Animal Park is scheduled to open this fall.

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