Donald Trump welcomed to Scotland with a Mexican Wall (of sound)
As if Britain wasn't dealing with enough already...
We gave Donald Trump a good guac-ing when he visited Scotland today. The businessman and US presidential candidate – yeah, we still think the second bit must be a hoax, too – was in Turnberry, Ayrshire to open a new golf course.
Given his controversial election promises, including building a wall along the Mexican border, we wanted to give him a special, Paddy Power welcome. So, obviously, we snuck a Mexican Mariarchi band, Juan Direction, into Glasgow Prestwick airport to greet the billionaire as he landed on the runway.
Lead singer Juan – OK, his real name is John – said: “Mister Donald arriba, ole!” No, no clue either. We’re just grateful he didn’t pipe up as we were sneaking the band – plus their Paddy-branded instruments and wheelbarrow full of bricks – past security.
Our man on the ground offered insight into the extensive, military style operation that got Juan Direction into position, revealing: “Erm, we just walked straight in. No one battered an eyelid. You’d think the big, f**k-off sombreros might be a giveaway, but apparently not.”
Security was less slack at the golf course itself, where police vans lined the perimeter. And our band were stopped from serenading the Don by hidden secret service agents, alerted by their cultural costumes.
Yet a load of Scottish grannies, dressed up in their gladrags, looking like Rod Stewart impersonators, were waved straight through.
An early example of Trump’s plans for border checks, no doubt.
Elsewhere, a toff student arrived in a tuxedo. Now that’s the weapon you’re looking for, officers. But maybe that’s just sour cream from us.
As the suddenly proud Scot McDonald Trump arrived at his grand opening, the sound of bagpipes boomed out.
Shame, as it could’ve been guitars and maracas. The jala-peñis.
Words: Lee Price
- And while we’re on the political train check out this Brexit fallout from Paddy Power’s top trader Stephanie Anderson, and get stuck into all the odds over at PaddyPower.com