The Russian Olympic Committee team at the Winter Olympics has been thrown into further disarray with the news that one of the curling team’s brushes has tested positive for a prohibited substance, Paddy Power News understands.
Following reports of a positive drug test among the skating team, there are now suggestions a popular cleaning product may have been used to interfere with the competitive ice-brushing at the Beijing games.
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While Olympics organisers refuse to acknowledge the rumours, one source in Beijing described “crates of Mr Muscle” in the Russian Curling team’s hotel room.
“They can’t get enough of the stuff – it’s on the brushes, the stones, I think they’d drink the stuff if it wasn’t highly toxic. And even then, I have noticed a distinctly chemical-like odour on the breaths of some competitors.
“Though that might just be the Irn Bru the Scottish lads brought over.”
It remains to be seen what approach the authorities will take should the violation be confirmed, with some suggestions IOC chief Thomas Bach could issue a sternly worded letter before burying his head in a bucket of sand as he refuses to answer questions at a press conference.
Though the sedate sport of curling has been shaken to its foundations by the reports.
“Look, the temptation’s always there – you’re walking down the cleaning aisle in Tesco and that stuff’s just staring you in the face,” a former British curling team international who requested anonymity just cos they didn’t want anyone knowing they played curling told us.
BEIJING, CHINA – FEBRUARY 15: John Landsteiner and Matt Hamilton of Team United States compete against Team Italy during the Men’s Curling Round Robin Session on Day 11 of the Beijing 2022 Winter Olympic Games at National Aquatics Centre on February 15, 2022 in Beijing, China. (Photo by Lintao Zhang/Getty Images)
“One day you’re picking up a bottle of Toilet Duck for the lav, the next thing it’s a 24 box of Cif and your lubing your stones and juicing your brushes just for that extra curl.
“Anyone who’s curled knows that feeling – as well as the devastating sense of their life being wasted playing f**king curling.
“But to see it at the highest level of the sport is still shocking.
“Clearly the sport needs a massive clean-up – preferably with a couple of lads scrubbing as fast as possible while some Colin Hendry-lookalike shouts like yer grandad when you step in front of the telly – ‘Owww’, ‘Ooot’, ‘Gwaaah’ – that kind of thing.”
BEIJING, CHINA – FEBRUARY 10: A general view of competition during the Women’s Round Robin Session One on Day 6 of the Beijing 2022 Winter Olympic Games at National Aquatics Centre on February 10, 2022 in Beijing, China (Photo by David Ramos/Getty Images)
It’s just the latest doping drama to engulf Russia’s national athletic programs in recent years after shot-putter Ivan Ekstrahandov was discovered to have grown a third arm during out-of-competition training in Siberia last year.
“Clearly there was something suspicious going on, though we couldn’t conclusively prove the development was caused by Vladimir Putin personally administering daily doses of HGH (Human Growth Hormone) into his body.
“As such, we were completely powerless to do anything,” a spokesman for the International Doping Guidance Action Force (IDGAF) said.
“In the end, he got off with a slap on the wrist – I’m not sure which one.”
*Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is 100% fake news, and that’s the truth – honest*
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