Rob Gronkowski has retired from the NFL and while it’s wise to take anything he says with a pinch of salt, we can only take what we’re given for now.
After all, Gronk could conceivably take some time off, make the Hall of Fame in 2024, get into shape, and then come back and play at the same age Tony Gonzalez did while having 859 yards and eight touchdowns.
But it doesn’t mean we can’t ponder what the 79-touchdown-scoring, three Super Bowl-winning tight end might get up to in the meantime, does it?
Here are five things #87 could do with all that extra free time he now has.
Commit Full Time to WWE
If you haven’t seen it, Gronk has already appeared at Wrestlemania and made a fool out of himself for money, so he may as well continue down that path and make even more money.
Gronkowski is quirky and Vince McMahon likes that. After all, they might need some big names now that All Elite Wrestling are coming onto the mainstage.
The former NFL tight end has a pompous frat boy persona and that would tie in well with McMahon and co’s New England, better-than-you background.
We’re not sure on the spandex, mind you.
Dancing with the Stars
What do Nicole Scherzinger, Donny Osmond, Donald Driver and Rashad Jennings all have in common?
They all won the bloody thing and none of them can move like Rob Gronkowski.
If you think over time that Gronk has exhibited his serious moved post-touchdown, think of all the freestyle combinations he can flaunt to viewers that he uses in-game. Stiff arm into a juke, back to a reach block, to a one-arm grab to and spin.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner.
Tom Brady’s Bodyguard
He’s already caught his balls for the bones of a decade, he may as well watch his ass now.
Not only would it be a superb career move that keeps him close to his best friend, but he’d also likely have a job for life because Tom’s NFL career will probably last longer than the Brexit negotiations at this point.
Can you picture it? Kids running up to Brady while he’s getting his berries and nuts in some high-end Rhode Island supermarket – and WHAM – launched into aisle six, covered in baking powder.
There’s a film in that. Speaking of which…
Jean-Claude Van Damme
I’m not suggesting for a second that Gronkowski could actually become Jean-Claude Van Damme, although I’m fairly certain he has the money if he can find the right surgeon.
What I’m saying is he should take on the role of that form of superhero in the cinema.
Instead of high-octane fight scenes, Gronkowski just picks up people, spikes them and carries on his way to his local Gamestop to buy Call of Duty.
Rob Gronkowski is the definition of a millennial despite just falling outside the window to qualify, and there has to be a production company willing to roll the dice on that level of relatability.
Go Back to the NFL
In all reality, Gronk is going to spend six weeks realising that the only thing he has in his brain is a playbook and on a gridiron is the only place in the world he’ll feel accepted.
I have him back by OTAs if I’m honest.