Here we are – the best night of the off-season.
Granted that wouldn’t be tough considering it lasts longer than any other off-season in professional sport, but anyway.
The superstars of tomorrow are ready to enhance your team today. Here’s how we see it going.
#1 Cleveland Browns – QB Sam Darnold (USC):
Darnold isn’t the best quarterback in this draft, but it wouldn’t be like Cleveland to select him, now would it? He’ll turn into a solid start in the league.
#2 New York Giants – RB Saquon Barkley (Penn State):
Could genuinely be a Hall of Famer. Barkley’s like a replica of Ladainian Tomlinson, only with quicker feet. He’s a frightening prospect and the best player in this class.
#3 New York Jets – QB Josh Rosen (New York Jets):
And just like that – the best quarterback to come out of the draft since Andrew Luck is New York-bound.
#4 Cleveland Browns – EDGE Bradley Chubb (NC State):
He’s not the best edge defender in this draft. He’s not the best run stopper. he’s not the best pass rusher – he sounds like a Brown.
#5 Denver Broncos – QB Josh Allen (Wyoming):
John Elway, refusing to let go of the past, convinces himself he can turn a circus freak into a starting quarterback in the NFL. Again, a geriatric costs a franchise. Next.
#6 Indianapolis Colts – S Minkah Fitzpatrick (Alabama):
Genuinely, they just have to take the best defensive player on the board. This is Fitzpatrick. Well done, Indy. Only another ten players to go.
#7 – Tampa Bay Buccaneers – OG Quenton Nelson (Notre Dame):
Never before has a draft pick been such a sure-fire success as Quenton Nelson. The only reason he even fell this far is because of positional value. An animal.
#8 Chicago Bears – CB Josh Jackson (Iowa):
Iowa produce ballhawks. It’s in their DNA. Jackson is a good player but this is a reach based on positional need rather than ability.
#9 San Francisco 49ers – LB Roquan Smith (Georgia):
The best linebacker in the draft fills a gaping need for the Niners after Reuben Foster’s criminal charges.
#10 Oakland Raiders – S Derwin James (Florida State):
A baller. Some questions will be raised about how early he’ll be taken, but his tape is flawless and his aggression is much-needed in the Bay Area.
#11 Miami Dolphins – DT Vita Vea (Washington):
The most explosive player in the draft – but is he any use in sub-packages? That’s the big question about with this pick.
#12 Buffalo Bills – QB Baker Mayfield (Oklahoma):
Buffalo are licking their chops. They’ve got their quarterback of the future and his character concerns made him slide to here – so they didn’t need to trade up. Genius.
#13 Washington Reskins – LB Tremaine Edmunds (Virginia Tech):
He’s only 19. The biggest risk-reward play in the first round. He’ll either be an All-Pro or a complete bust.
#14 Green Bay Packers – WR Calvin Ridley (Alabama):
I cannot tell you how much the Cardinals wanted this player, but didn’t think to trade up because Green Bay were unlikely to take him.
#15 Arizona Cardinals – CB Jaire Alexander (Louisville):
I cannot explain how much better they’ve done here, by accident. Ridley’s an average player whose metrics speak for him than his ability. Alexander is the cornerback of the future.
#16 Baltimore Ravens – EDGE Marcus Davenport (Texas-San Antonio):
He’s vicious, therefore he’s a Raven. An ideal fit for their odd 3-4 defensive front, even though he’s still not the best edge player in this class.
#17 Los Angeles Chargers – QB Lamar Jackson (Louisville):
Nobody’s going to be happy with this pick except the rest of the AFC West. Anthony Lynn likes mobile quarterbacks too much to turn him down, and he’s probably the reason they signed Geno Smith.
#18 Seattle Seahawks – EDGE Harold Landry (Boston College):
A value pick – trust the Seahawks to nab the best edge defender in this class. Double-digit sack guy; you heard it here first.
#19 Dallas Cowboys – WR Courtland Sutton (SMU):
Well, this is pretty much the easiest pick of the whole draft.
#20 Detroit Lions – RB Derrius Guice (LSU):
They’ve not had a decent running back now in what seems like an eternity. They have to eventually change that, and with nothing else too appealing left on the board, they pull the trigger here.
#21 Cincinnati Bengals – OG Will Hernandez (UTEP):
Yawn – a boring pick for a boring franchise.
#22 Buffalo Bills – OT Mike McGlinchey (Notre Dame):
If you’re going to take Baker, you have to protect him.
#23 New England Patriots – TE Hayden Hurst (South Carolina):
Belichick is going to have so much fun with Hurst and Gronk running seams out of 2TE sets.
#24 Carolina Panthers – CB Mike Hughes (UCF):
Hughes is a good player and, while the Panthers really need a receiver, there just isn’t the value here.
#25 Tennessee Titans – LB Rashaan Evans (Alabama):
They drastically need an edge rusher, but Evans is too good a player to pass up in this spot.
#26 Atlanta Falcons – DT Da’Ron Payne (Alabama):
Well, at least he’s well-coached. He’s just not silky in his stance, progression or finishing. He’s still the safest pick, though.
#27 New Orleans Saints – OT Connor Williams (Texas):
The Saints may have another shot with Drew Brees. This is their last shot at protecting him, and a very, very good value pick.
#28 Pittsburgh Steelers – LB Leighton Vander Esch (Boise State):
He’s a real step away from the traditional NFC North linebacker, but he offers them range and side-to-side flexibility.
#29 Jacksonville Jaguars – WR James Washington (Oklahoma State):
They really needed a #1 receiver to bring them back to challenging in 2018. After this draft, they’ll still need one.
#30 Minnesota Vikings – OT Kolton Miller (UCLA):
They’re good offensive line play away from returning to a Championship game. Miller’s not All-Pro level, but he’s definitely serviceable.
#31 New England Patriots – CB Isaiah Oliver (Colorado):
He looks an average player. He will, typically, become a superstar because it’s New England, but they’d have been better serviced taking Christian Kirk here to replace Danny Amendola.
#32 Philadelphia Eagles – TE Dallas Goedert (South Dakota State):
Well, Trey Burton has moved on. Clearly Nick Foles can play some tight end if they’re stuck, but maybe it’s best if we just draft an actual one, yeah?