Dear Dychey: I lost badly, but I want a rematch anyway. Am I desperate?

* Dear Dychey, Paddy Power’s Agony Uncle column is not written by anyone who could even pass for a current Premier League manager. Any apparent resemblance to one is purely coincidental.

Our sage of sound sporting sense is here again to provide some clear counsel and worldly wisdom to sports stars from home and further afield.

This week Dr Dychey has chosen to focus on one notorious letter in particular.

Dr Dychey (Definitely Not Sean Dyche, we promise), please come down from your eco-friendly hut in the mountains and drop your knowledge bombs on your adoring public! We can’t wait any longer.

Dear Dychey,

I talk a big game and most of the time I’m able to back it up, however on my last outing I took one hell of a beating. Not only that, my Russian opponent seems to have forgotten that all our pre-match trash-talking was ‘just business’ and is really mad with me.

Honestly, I don’t have a prayer of winning a rematch and yet, I want one anyways. Am I being a bit desperate?

Yours slipping on what I reckon is the best whiskey on the face of God’s green Earth,
C. McG

Dr Dychey: Oh, where to begin with you C. McG!

Firstly, your self-confidence is admirable. You must have been reading ‘Dr Dychey’s Gritty Guide To Being Good With You’, check out my Jose Mourinho chapter in that one folks because I’ve really never seen someone love themselves more.

Anyway, back to the task at hand. I’m a massive believer in knowing your level in life, so if you do manage to overachieve then everybody will love you for it. However, a key ingredient in that philosophy is humility and I don’t know if that’s something you can ever manage.

As for calming down your Russian opponent, you should park the whiskey shilling for now and sit down for a vodka with him. Vodka has been my alcoholic beverage of choice for a while now. I gave up beer because it was too fattening and I wanted to stay a lean, mean advice giving machine. It would help you two converse though.

Start on a topic everyone can relate to like manscaping your facial hair. That always works for me.

Finally, you are being way too desperate looking for a rematch. Maybe, you should have tried to get a draw in the first match-up. Crikey, I love a good draw. But, this is exactly like Mark Hughes attempting to win a game with Southampton – it’s not going to happen.

By the way, I’ve a crick in my neck now, would you know anyone who could give it a good crank?

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