Rory McIlroy to join Crazy Golf World Tour after PGA-LIV merger

Rory McIlroy will say good riddance to the PGA Tour following its merger with LIV Golf, Paddy Power News understands.

The four-time major winner has decided to throw away his 14-club bag and hang on to just the putter as part of the Professional Crazy Golf World Tour (PCGWT) due to his opposition to the Saudi Arabian Public Investment Fund (PIF) and its deal with the PGA Tour.

The Holywood man was left hanging by Tour chiefs as an outspoken critic of LIV Golf when they agreed a merger with the up-start golf competition.

And the Northern Irish golfer has now decided to turn his back on the pro golf establishment by using his talents at a string of global seaside holiday novelty golf courses instead.

“I’m always looking for new challenges”, the 34-year-old. “And nothing’s more challenging than judging the angles to send your ball through the zigzag, down the tube, around the spiral drain, over the bumps and straight into the hole in one-shot!”

“I just can’t wait to put all this controversy behind me and get back to what I do best – no, not bottling the fourth round at Augusta every year, but smashing balls straight down the fairways of the world.

“All we need to do is find a course with holes bigger than a phone box.”

Indeed, the former world number one hopes to be back on course as soon as he’s recovered from being stabbed in the back by PGA officials.

And if the Professional Crazy Golf World Tour spokespeople are to be believed, McIlroy is just the first of a number of big names ready to jump aboard the rebel sporting venture.

“We’ve a assurances from several high-profile players that they’re willing to swap the staid, straight-laced world of the PGA Tour for the glitzy, fun non-stop mayhem of molded concrete,” we were told.

“They’re ready to sign just as soon as we confirm our multi-billion title sponsorship deal with World Wide Windmills, who I’m delighted to announce will furnish all our courses with branded, fully-functional windmills next season.”

Several top names – including Liger Woods, the well-known Tiger Woods impersonator, former Wales, Liverpool and John-Arne Riise attacker Craig Bellamy, and the bloke who played Shooter McGavin in Happy Gilmore – have all been linked with the crazy golf tour, and others could join at any time.

“John Daly’s just had another divorce, so he might be interested,” one source speculated.

“And we expect to be bailed out by a major star very soon, yeah? Bailed out, you get it?

“Spelled B-A-L-E-D.”

“Ok, so yeah, it’s Gareth Bale. He might be interested we’ve been told and has offered his backyard to be used as one of the locations for a tournament.”

However, we were soon informed Gareth Bale would instead be signing for Al-Ittihad in the Saudi Arabian Super League for £150m per season on condition that he helps the Crown Prince two days a month to work on his short game.

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