Substitutions can be definitive. They can make or break sporting careers, they can change the dynamic of an event and they can certainly ruin home delivery shopping experiences.
Yes, we are looking at you, Tesco.
But for every Ole Gunnar Solskjaer scoring a last-gasp Champions League winner there’s a Kepa Arrizabalaga, coming on in the last-minute of the Carabao Cup final and failing to save 11 penalties before missing the deciding kick.
To celebrate the launch of Paddy’s latest genius idea – Super Sub, where your bet carries on even if your selection goes off – we’ve crunched the numbers and put weighed up the claims of some of the greatest replacements we’ve seen – and some not-so-great ones too…
Robert Lewandowski
When you’re losing 1-0 to Wolfsburg but have Robert Lewandowski on the bench, what do you do? Bring him on and watch the demolition commence. Five goals in nine minutes for the Polish striker making football look easy.
Super Sub Rating: 5 – There’s only one word for it – Solskjaeresque.
Rail replacement buses
The WORST possible substitution known to man. Got to catch the 7:49 to get to work for 8:15. Oh look no trains, a lovely rail replacement bus which gets me to work at midday and sucks away my soul in the process.
Super Sub Rating: 0 – Would rather hitch a lift from a trucker in a gimp mask tbqfh
Tim Krul
Now there’s your expert at saving a penalty. Coming on deep into extra-time in the Netherlands’ 2014 World Cup quarter final against Costa Rica, Krul became a hero for the Dutch with his penalty shoot-out saves.
Super Sub Rating: 4 – It doesn’t get much better – docked a point for getting dangerously close to recreating Ian Walker’s peak-90s curtains.
NEWCASTLE UPON TYNE, ENGLAND – AUGUST 10: Tim Krul of Newcastle United in action during a Pre Season Friendly between Newcastle United and Braga at St James’ Park on August 10, 2013 in Newcastle, England. (Photo by Matthew Lewis/Getty Images)
Paper straws
Look, all of us at Paddy Power support sustainability and helping the environment – but we miss plastic straws. Why? Because they worked. Paper straws go moist and limp within seconds. If you don’t down your capri-sun in seconds, you risk not being able to finish it at all.
Super Sub Rating: 1 – I suppose gets a point for…eh… saving the planet… maybe
Supply teacher
Remember the feeling when you think you’ve got double-maths and then see a clueless substitute teacher walk in the door? It meant nothing but easy street.
Super Sub Rating: 4.5 – Ferguson-like masterstroke from the school principal for me, Clive
That awkward moment when Tesco replaces walnut bread with octopus http://t.co/VwIhPKaaHC pic.twitter.com/zoOEBTme8C
— indy100 (@indy100) September 21, 2014
Tesco octopus
What we’d like to know is who makes the substitution choices for online shopping at Tesco? Replacing walnut bread for an octopus must have been a prank. What next, replacing my Quavers with a polar bear?
Super Sub Rating: 3 – Wouldn’t mind an Octopus in the house to be honest
Steven Gerrard
In his last ever appearance against Liverpool’s bitterest rivals, Gerrard came on as a half time sub, absolutely rattled Ander Hererra and got shown red.
Super Sub Rating: 1.5 – Sure, you clattered the Mancs, but you lasted all of 38 seconds, mate!?
The planet Pluto
Or not-planet. A bit of a substitute and demotion for what was once a planet that is now a star.
Super Sub Rating: 2 – Not big enough, pal. Out of the solar system you get.
Gareth Bale
One minute you’re chilling on the Real Madrid bench, then Zidane asks you to go and win the Champions League final for the Spanish giants. Also, if you could score the greatest ever Champions League final goal while you’re at it, that’d be nice too. Done.
Super Sub Rating: 4.5 – Not quite the full Super Sub experience because he’d have been rather playing golf
Joey
Friends shaped a generation, and we all have a soft spot for Joey Tribianni, but what was that spin-off all about?
Super Sub Rating: 0.5 – How am I doin’? Not laughing, mate.
Snow Patrol
Imagine being at V Festival and expecting to see Oasis headline, only to hear Liam Gallagher attacked Noel Gallagher with a guitar, had big fight and the band broke up. Devastating. Now imagine Snow Patrol who happened to be on before Oasis decided to play an extended set including Oasis covers. Kick in the teeth.
Super Sub Rating: 2 – We’ve got nothing against the lads, but it’s not Liam and Noel on-stage handbags
Quorn
We don’t dislike non-meat eaters, but what we will not tolerate is a fake meat option. Chicken curry, great. Vegetable curry, even better. Quorn curry? No thank you.
Super Sub Rating: 1.5 – Eh… what’s the veggie option?
iPhone
India vs Pakistan in cricket, Federer vs Nadal in tennis, Coke vs Pepsi in sweet, sweet poison – none of these compare to the Blackberry vs iPhone rivalry. As it turns out, Blackberry’s were rubbish so consumers substituting it for an iPhone was a wise move.
Super Sub Rating: 5 – Want to not use a tiny keyboard? There’s an app for that!
Ali Dia
Matt Le Tissier could be forgiven for thinking dark forces were at work when he was hauled off for Southampton in 1996 against Leeds for a random bloke purportedly related to George Weah. Alia Dia lasted 53 minutes before being given the hook himself – truly the mark of a terrible substitution.
Super Sub Rating: 0 – You have played football before, right?
READ MORE
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