During a press conference in which Erling Haaland was officially unveiled as a Manchester City player, the 21-year-old Norwegian confirmed to local reporters that his middle names are Goater and Dickov – after City legends Shaun Goater and Paul Dickov.
Looking extremely relaxed whilst answering questions from the media, Haaland proudly described both Shaun Goater and Paul Dickov as his idols, suggesting he hopes he can achieve the same levels of success they did whilst at the club.
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“Erling is City through and through and these middle names prove it” confirmed an official spokesperson for the player.
“Did you know Keith Curle is his Godfather and that he spent a summer on Uwe Rosler’s farm? He also has Liam Gallagher on speed dial used to date Fiz from Corrie.
“Of course, the boy was happy to hear he’d be earning more than 15 times his previous salary by coming to Manchester, but there’s more to it than that.
“He’s a Mancunian at heart, a lifelong blue and carries a photo of Nicky Weaver around in his wallet, so this move has always been his dream.
“He did have the option to return to Manchester and join United where he would have been reunited with former teammate Jadon Sancho.
“They were prepared to pay him more than City but he said he didn’t fancy a relegation fight next season and no amount of record-breaking worldwide fan base would make up for the miserable existence of being a United player.”
When asked by a reporter how his first week in training has been under Pep Guardiola, Haaland replied with “mint”.
In other news coming from City, it has been no secret that manager Pep Guardiola had a very uneasy and restless summer vacation, still haunted by that elusive Champions League success.
When asked what Pep could do differently in Europe next season, a source close to the club confirmed a joint bid of £500m has been made between City and Liverpool for Frenchman Benzema.
“Nobody wants to play against Benzema, so maybe Liverpool and City could co-own him? It’d solve a lot of problems in the Champions League,” we were told.
*Paddy Power’s breaking football news coverage is 100% fake news*
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