Manchester City Football Club has today confirmed the official Champions League anthem played before European fixtures is to be banned from their stadium with immediate effect.
Following on from their semi-final exit at the hands Real Madrid, it is understood that those in charge at City have decided enough is enough and no longer want to be friends in any capacity with UEFA or its representatives.
“They hate us coz they ain’t us” said an official Manchester City spokesperson, crying into his inflatable banana.
“People have always been jealous of our money, and UEFA is no exception. It is an organisation full of clowns and cheats who will stop at nothing in their quest to stop us winning the Champions League.
“They are no longer invited into our stadium, to our birthday parties or summer BBQs and we will certainly not have their sh*t song played over our speakers again.
“Going forward I think we will go with The Streets classic hit, Dry Your Eyes Mate, in a bid to demonstrate our continued support for manager Pep Guardiola,” continued the spokesperson.
“Pep is a modern-day genius. How he has managed to turn over £1 billion worth of players into Champions League semi-finalists is wizardry. He’s a fully adopted blue. We love him, the fans love him, the whole of Stockport loves him.”
Elsewhere in Manchester, Paddy Power News understands the win for Real Madrid went down very well at Old Trafford, with current United boss Ralf Rangnick telling our reporter that he couldn’t have asked for any more from his players on what was described as a “very special” European night for everybody involved with the club.
“I told the boys that even though they were not on the pitch, they could still have their say by sending their happiest thoughts to the Madrid players. I wanted to see 100% effort from everybody in the squad and believe me when I tell you they didn’t disappoint.
“Cristiano, Bruno and Jadon were focused for the entire 120 minutes, hoping and praying for a Madrid victory. Outstanding contributions and a great night in our recent history.” Confirmed Rangnick.
It’s also been reported United will stage an open-top bus tour around Manchester should Real Madrid beat Liverpool in the final.
*Paddy Power News football coverage is 100% fake news – honest*
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