Antonio Conte has admitted he underestimated just how Spursy his Spurs side was before taking the job.
The 52-year-old made the admission after the Spursiest back-to-back results Spurs have had in their entire Spursy history.
After an unlikely 3-2 victory over title-chasing Manchester City at the weekend, the North London outfit lost 1-0 to relegation-threatened Burnley last night.
Speaking to Paddy Power News after the game at Turf Moor, a disconsolate and weather-beaten Conte said:
‘I knew we were Spursy before I took the job but I didn’t realise we were as Spursy as this’.
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‘Beating Pep Guardiola’s City at the Etihad only to go and lose against Sean Dyche’s Burnley a couple of days later is some of the Spursiest sh*t I’ve seen in my life’.
‘We’ve lost 4 of our last 5 games yet somehow if we win our 2 games in hand we’ll only be a point off 4th place. That is Spursiness taken to a whole new level’.
‘Perhaps I am causing Spurs to be even Spursier? If that is the case, I will resign and apply for the United job in the summer’.
‘This is the job I wanted in the first place but they give it to Wreck it Ralf and Ted Lasso instead’.
The former Juventus and Inter boss then kept his Spurs players waiting in the changing room for over an hour while he polished off a crate of Carling with Sean Dyche in his office.
Upon hearing the Italian had offered his services to Manchester United, the Old Trafford outfit issued a statement of their own.
‘Spurs are ‘too Spursy’ for Conte. But Conte is ‘too Conte’ for United’, said a spokesperson on behalf of the club.
‘He’s only been the Tottenham coach for 22 games and already he’s gone ‘full Conte’ by attacking the board via the media and threatening to quit’.
‘In the past, United have gone for ‘The Chosen One’, ‘The Experienced One’, ‘The Special One’.
‘Right now, we’ll go for ‘Any F**king One’.
*Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is 100% fake news, and that’s the truth – honest*
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