Cristiano Ronaldo has celebrated Valentine’s Day by sending a card and an enormous bouquet of flowers to his one true love: himself.
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Despite having several potential candidates in his life who could have benefitted from a cute gift or romantic gesture, the Portuguese superstar chose not to break the habit of a lifetime and proclaimed his love and admiration for himself with a £50 Moonpig bundle.
“Roses are red, violets are blue, Cristiano is the king, SIIUUU,” the United forward said when asked about the gift.
“Every day feels like Valentine’s Day when I catch my own reflection, but I know on the 14th February I need to make that bit of extra effort with myself as I deserve it – so it’s a card, flowers, and dinner reservations for one.
“I am as happy to send myself a card as much as I am overjoyed to receive a card from myself. Who wouldn’t want to receive a card from Cristiano? I am a lucky man.
“After dinner, I may slip into something a little more comfortable such as a pair of tiny pants, and admire myself until… well… forever.”
Upon learning that she would receive nothing from Cristiano this Valentine’s Day, Paddy Power News managed to grab a word with his wife Georgina about her time spent with the world’s most famous number 7.
“It’s funny you refer to him as number seven, as in our relationship, I am the seventh most important person. It goes Cristiano, Cristiano, Cristiano, Cristiano, Cristiano, Cristiano, Georgina” she said, sarcastically.
“Seven is also how many hours he spends plucking his eyebrows each week. To be fair, he is a nice guy and treats me and the kids very well, but nobody could ever love him more than he loves himself. I often wonder if Lionel Messi’s wife has the same problem.”
Elsewhere within Manchester United this Valentine’s Day, love is well and truly in the air with PP News hearing Uruguayan striker Edinson Cavani arrived at training dressed as Cupid, shooting his teammates in the backside with a miniature bow and arrow, claiming his goal celebration has been a warning that this day would eventually arrive.
It is also understood that United outcast Jesse Lingard has attempted to rekindle his love with West Ham captain and ex-BFF, Declan Rice, by offering to take him for a romantic dinner at Nando’s.
*Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is 100% fake news, and that’s the truth – honest*
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