Man United unleash new ‘gegen-depressing’ style on Wolves ​

It had been leading up to this for a while, to be fair.

Ralf Rangnick

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Manchester United unleashed their new ‘gegen-depressing’ playing style on Wolverhampton Wanderers last night – with devastating results.

Ralf Rangnick’s side lined up with a revolutionary 4-4-2 formation but sadly lost the game to a free-scoring Wolves team who’ve now managed a whopping five goals in their last 10 games.

Yet despite the best efforts of the United players, Bruno Lage’s men could only find the net once to leave Old Trafford with a 1-0 win.

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“I prefer this United side to play with a 4-2-2-2 formation because the team is shaped like a penis and it suits this group of players very well,” Rangnick told Paddy Power News post-match at Old Trafford.

“It enables our full-backs Luke Shaw and Aaron Wan-Bissaka to bomb forward and behave like new-born foals on an ice-rink when they receive the ball in the final third.”

The former RB Leipzig coach went on to explain why he made 68 tactical tweaks throughout the game.

LukeShawManUnitedOct21

“It became apparent within five minutes that Wolves had sussed out our gameplan,” he added. “So, in the 2nd half we switched to a 3-5-2 and with 15 minutes to go I just told the players to do whatever the f**k they liked. This is what is known as ‘gegen-depressing’.”

When asked to elaborate on the concept of ‘gegen-depressing’ further, the 63-year-old said:

Gegen-depressing is the sobering realisation that no matter who coaches these United players or no matter what system they play, they will be absolutely sh*te.

“Alex Ferguson, Bill Shankly and Nigel Clough combined couldn’t get this mob to string three passes together, never mind win a football match.”

The German was also full of praise for defender Phil Jones who returned to the side after a lengthy spell on the sidelines.

“I was just telling the boys in the changing room they should all take two years away from football if that’s what it takes to get a performance out of them.”

*Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is 100% fake news – except the stuff about Man Utd being sh*t, that’s all true*

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