BREAKING NEWS – Former Arsenal, West Ham and Bournemouth midfielder Jack Wilshere is coming out of retirement and is back on the market as the January transfer window opens!
And to give the veteran, who turned 30 on New Year’s Day, the best chance of attracting a club he’s enlisted the trendiest hipsters available to shape his digital footprint.
We’re talking dossiers! Vlogging! Montages! Swazz! Tekkers!!!!
If it works for Ben Foster then why not our Jack?
There’s just one problem – he won’t admit that he’s retired!
Jack Wilshere is looking for a new club, and our top marketing team is on the case…
— Paddy Power (@paddypower) January 4, 2022
Our PR consultants advise the former England international on hot new trends in the game in an effort to get his name back on the market and grab the attention of the most social-media-savvy clubs out there.
There’s the most important skill in any modern footballer’s bag of tricks – the post-match apology tweet.
And no effort has been spared in putting together his Michael Owen-like brand values brochure.
Not to mention a slick “off-the-cuff” skills vid that’s been workshopped to within an inch of its life.
It can only be a matter of time before Ed Woodward sees the #numbers and comes calling… right?
Though Jack does have at least one redline when it comes to getting a new club as he offers a ‘come and get me’ plea to anyone…
And, Jack, we’ve taken you as far as we can. The rest is up to you now.
Good luck in your unretirement!
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