Having been cancelled in 2020, the Ballon d’Or returned earlier this week in its typical humdrum fashion, presenting zero excitement and providing absolutely no surprises whatsoever.
Described by various media outlets as “vanilla”, “uninspiring” and “mundane”, shock levels were kept to a minimum when Lionel Messi was presented with the award, meaning he has now won the Ballon d’Or a whopping 46 times in his career.
Despite fantastic seasons for Robert Lewandowski, Jorginho and Kylian Mbappe, Messi once again proved that until he retires from the beautiful game, he will in fact be crowned with the Ballon d’Or award every single year, no matter what he does on a football pitch.
“We are delighted to announce Lionel Messi as the winner of the Ballon d’Or not only tonight, but also in 2022, 2023, 2024 and 2025,” confirmed an official spokesperson.
“We expect he will retire in 2025 meaning we could have a new winner in 2026, or what is a more likely scenario is we re-work the entire entry criteria to guarantee he wins it whilst sitting on his arse in Buenos Aires.”
Paddy Power News managed to grab a word with a tearful Messi after the presentation of the trophy, who had this to say.
“I’m still crying over my Barcelona exit, guys. I just need a bit more time,” he confirmed.
Elsewhere on the night, Messi’s long-term rival for the award over the years, Cristiano Ronaldo, found himself in a disheartening ninth-place finish. The Portuguese star had these words for the media.
“I wanted to finish ninth so joke’s on you really.
“I expect this is where Manchester United will finish in the league so perhaps nine could be my new lucky number? CR9 has a certain ring to it so I will get on the phone to my marketing and PR team straight away and get some pants and hair gel launched under the CR9 brand.
“Remember to drink water, kids. CR9 out. SIIIUUUU.”
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