Arsenal order oversized bench coats amid Wenger return rumours ​

Wenger in... if he can zip it up


Arsenal have taken delivery of a stack of new oversized touchline coats increasing speculation of a return to the club for former boss Arsene Wenger.


The Gooners are set to welcome back their old boss, who is now as fondly remembered as much for his pitch-side wardrobe malfunctions as he is for turning the Gunners into one of the early Premier League’s major powerhouses and serial Top-4 trophy winner.

And one of his chief demands was the club bring back a lagging jacket that will fit his angular frame.

“He certainly was fond of those oversized jackets”, a source at the club’s training ground in London Colney told Paddy Power News, “but that doesn’t mean we’ve got them just in case Arsene returns – some of the youth team lads can use them as sleeping bags when they go on training camp trips too.”

Current Gunners gaffer Mikel Arteta told reporters recently that he would love his former boss to come on board in some technical capacity and a close confidant of the Spaniard, explained that he would be happy to help Wenger settle back in.

“Having worked alongside an always immaculately turned out coach like Pep Guardiola, Mikel is confident that he’ll be able to help Arsene do his zip-up properly any time he likes.”


“The trouble with Wenger was that he was always too busy failing to see anything out on the pitch because he was fumbling with his zipper half the time.”

Meanwhile, a close friend of Wenger was keen to point out that the Frenchman feels he has unfinished business at the Emirates.

“Arsene would love one more crack at trying to help Arsenal to a Premier League title – or at least Europa League qualification.

“And of course he’s keen to re-enact the battle of the buffet at Old Trafford one more time. He’s got a pineapple and anchovy pizza in mind just for Fergie this time.”

Wenger is cited as the man who changed the attitude of English football with his strict diets and a total ban on alcohol, but his failure to come to terms with the basic task of zipping up his bench clobber properly became a standing joke amongst the rest of the football fraternity, and rumours that he is set to take over in the Gunnersaurus suit because it has no zips, only velcro, are yet to be denied by the club.

Whether Wenger would be prepared to bring some of his former players back to North London is also unclear at this time, but we did speak to a member of the ground staff who put down his lawnmower for a couple of minutes to tell us that:

“We don’t want to be like Man United giving out ‘jobs for the boys’, but getting Lee Dixon and Martin Keown back here in some capacity would be great, as  we wouldn’t have put up with them on the telly so much.”

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