UEFA and Man City are set to clash again as the football body plans to investigate something resembling a big-game atmosphere at the Etihad Stadium on Wednesday night.
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Pep Guardiola’s side fought back against the ten men of PSG – plus Leo Messi standing around – to win 2-1 and solidify their place as the preeminent petrodollar sports franchise on the planet.
Oh, and to win their Champions League group and progress to the last-16.
The Citizens were roared on to victory by delirious home supporters who ceased their traditional 90-minutes of moaning about how UEFA is out to get them and instead decided to cheer on the team.
And the change in mood around a European game involving the Manchester club did not go unnoticed by the governing body, who are set to investigate the sudden appearance of a crowd at the notoriously moribund arena.
“At UEFA, we take interference in the natural setting of a game extremely seriously.”
“Previously we’ve rejected proposals to paint Gazprom’s blue logo across the pitches at several Champions League fixtures, while Arsenal’s involvement always caused issues in the past when some supporters would insist on chanting in what UEFA officially recognises as ‘The Library’ on match days,” a spokesman said.
“But some of the allegations here are staggering.”
City stand accused of flying in thousands of supporters from Abu Dhabi in a bid to outdo the Qatari ownership group of the Parisian club.
“It’s inhumane, to treat people like livestock,” the UEFA official continued while booking his flights for Qatar 2022.
“And it is not in the spirit of football to interfere with the crowd at games – there are credit card companies and tyremakers who would pay good money to give those seats to staff who don’t want them.”
There are also numerous claims of crowd noise being piped into the stadium via the PA system.
“The roar of the crowd was crazy.” a PSG source said of the reaction to City’s late winner. “There haven’t been roars like that at a City game since Niall Quinn started time-wasting when they were relegated.”
And several members of the Paris side’s squad are still recovering.
“Neymar hasn’t heard a crowd react like that since his pet baboon shot ping-pong balls from its arse during his sister’s birthday fortnight last year.”
“While Messi’s still dazed having fallen asleep standing up in the closing minutes of the game.”
UEFA’s Investigative Committee are set to begin initial inquiries in early 2022 and with likely legal wrangling set to hold up their work indefinitely, we’d expect o have a conclusion reached and punishment handed down by at least May of 2047.
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