Former Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger is set to win the Nobel Peace Prize for 2021 in recognition of the miracles he achieved keeping the Gunners at the forefront of English football in his final few season’s in charge, despite having a squad that would struggle to get out of the Championship.
Paddy Power has learned that the Oslo-based panel, which we understand contained at least one Tottenham Hotspur season-ticket holder, having seen what a dog’s dinner current boss Mikel Arteta is making of the job in the Emirates hot-seat, could not believe how on earth the Frenchman managed to keep the North London club in the Premier League as well as win a couple of FA Cups before stepping down in 2018.
“He’s a true miracle worker” claimed an unnamed source, “what he achieved in his final few years at Arsenal is on a par with what Mother Teresa did for the poverty-stricken in the late 1970’s.”
An insider at Arsenal told us that they thought the prestigious award was nothing less than Wenger deserved.
“He was – and still is – a truly great man. You have to remember the financial constraints he was under here I mean, the poor guy had to wear that enormous touchline coat because Kroenke wouldn’t stump up for one in his size.
“It was that or the Gunnersaurus suit.”
“But never once did I hear Arsene complain even though he could never find the zips on it.”
And our source went on to reveal more of the constraints the legendary manager worked under at the club.
”People always claim that he altered the face of English football by changing the players diets etc, but the reality is he had no choice as he had to make do with a weekly food budget which was less than what the current manager spends on hairspray.”
More big names in the game have also been quick to add their congratulations, including two of Wenger’s biggest nemeses when he was at the peak of his powers.
A source close to Sir Alex Ferguson told us that the former United boss says, “It was an honour to share the touchline with Arsene even if at times his players acted like a bunch of pr***s.
“Even after the famous battle of the buffet at Old Trafford, Arsene was the first to come into the dressing-room with a mop and bucket. When I look at how s**t Arsenal are now, how he kept them afloat in his final few seasons is a true miracle.”
And prominent Tottenham Youtuber @BerbasWand was full of grudging praise for the ex-Gooners gaffer.
“Wenger is an Arsenal icon and his legacy will live on. I thought we were slumming it in the Conference League this season with Serge Aurier and Eric Dier still near the first-team, but they couldn’t even qualify for that.
“They will have the best stadium in the Championship next season for sure.”
Turns out that even the Pope is a Wenger fan and when he discovered that the Frenchman was to become the latest Nobel Prize winner, he told an Italian newspaper that he was: “Delighted for the man who he tried to bring to Vatican FC just before lockdown.”
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