With Chelsea announcing the signing of Belgium striker Romelu Lukaku for an eye-watering £97 million, forward Tammy Abraham was surplus to requirements at Stamford Bridge, attracting the attention of several clubs in recent days, though Roma finally secured his signature on Tuesday morning.
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And Abraham was spotted attending an “Act Italian, Be Italian” improv class in West London ahead of the move, where his first lesson included perfecting expressive hand gestures and kissing everybody on the cheek.
Asked by a reporter about the possibility of joining Arsenal as he exited the class, the 23-year-old threw his arms up in the air and bellowed:
“Mamma mia! I’m not ready to be that miserable just yet.”
He then perched on the seat of his Vespa, sipped on his Lavazza espresso and draped a cream-coloured knitted sweater over his shoulders, before discussing his future with Paddy Power News.
“Ashley Young and Alexis Sanchez went to Italy and looked like a prime Maradona and Pele. Big Rom and his wagon feet couldn’t control a ball at United yet scored about a thousand goals in Italy. Playing in Serie A makes the worst players look world-class, so could do me wonders.
Who knows, if I do well in Italy, Chelsea might re-sign me for £300m in six years.
“On the flip side I do have some worries. What if Jose plays me in defence when looking for a 0-0 against Sampdoria? What if Giorgio Chiellini comes to my house at night and fouls me just for the sake of it? What if I’m forced to travel around in Fiat Cinquecento?
“What if I am contractually obliged to wear leather shoes instead of trainers?
“I have a lot to think about and moving to Italy is no way set in stone. Anyway, I’m off to meet Jorginho, Gianfranco Zola and Gianluca Vialli for some Spaghetti Bolognese down Bella Italia.”
In other news at Stamford Bridge, life could not be better for Chelsea fans, who are still celebrating their Super Cup success having opened the league season with a 3-0 win and who are still basking in the smug glow of last season’s Champions League.
Referring to it as “a true rags to riches tale” one Chelsea fan had this to say.
“Roman is a miracle worker. When he founded this club in 2003, we had no idea what to expect. Who would have thought £500 billion spent on new players and 72 different managers would bring silverware?”
**Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is 100% fake news. It’s all lies. All of it. Every single chuffing word.**
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