Lionel Messi has been spotted tractor shopping ahead of his proposed move to Ligue 1 outfit Paris Saint-Germain. The 34-year-old is preparing for life in the top tier of French farmer’s football and was seen test driving a customized John Deere 4010 alongside the Seine River.
Messi turned down offers from several Premier League sides to challenge himself against the likes of Clermont Foot, Angers and FC Oui Oui Baguettes. The Argentine reached an agreement with PSG several hours ago on a two-year deal worth €35m per season plus add-ons, including 14,500 acres of farmland and 375 dairy cows.
Dressed in a check shirt, denim dungarees and wellies, the former Barcelona star waved at fans while hauling a trailer filled with livestock. It’s understood the diminutive playmaker had his tractor upgraded to include 43-inch platinum alloys, a state-of-the-art sound system and one million Swarovski crystals embedded on its exterior.
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“I’m looking forward to seeing Messi on the field”, local cattle rustler Robin Leboeuf told Paddy Power News.
Hopefully he has the same work ethic as Kylian Mbappé and Neymar Jr. Those boys can be found operating the plough by day and scoring double-hat tricks against Brest by night.
Meanwhile, following the announcement Messi had agreed on a deal with the Parisians, new teammate Sergio Ramos took a sh**e in the Argentine’s new locker.
The 35-year-old Real Madrid legend also smeared the words ‘welcome to Paris short arse’ using his own faeces across the locker door.
“I’m looking forward to dislocating his shoulder with an arm lock during our first training session together”, Ramos told Paddy Power News.
I find keeping the elbow straight and forcing the opponent’s arm backward toward the opposite shoulder at about 45 degrees works best.
“This is my signature move, like those WWE actors have, which I call ‘The Salah Lock’.”
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