The squat rack in the local sports centre attended by Jack Grealish has decided to quit, having finally decided it no longer wants to be destroyed by the England international.
In what appears to be the strangest story of pre-season so far, Aston Villa captain Grealish, who is rumoured to be joining Man City in a transfer worth £100 million, was alerted by gym staff earlier that the squat rack is no longer available to use after it upped and left out of embarrassment at defeated by Grealish’s calves and quads on a regular basis.
“I’m gutted to hear this news,” Villa’s talismanic playmaker said on hearing the news. “That squat rack has been my gym buddy for years now.
“Since I was 8 years old, I’ve been squatting 200kg. That’s why my legs are bigger than Harry Maguire’s head.
“To hear the squat rack has chucked it all in is disappointing as I didn’t know it felt that way. I hope it finds comfort as a clothes horse for dirty undies or whatever it is he decides to do with his life now.”
“I’m sure there’s a space in someone’s garage, beneath a mountain bike, old copies of Men’s Health and all the cheap tools from Aldi they never use, for him to live out his days in peace.”
Paddy Power News managed to speak to the manager of the gym, James Ryan, who, after a long heartfelt discussion with the squat rack, accepted its decision to leave.
“99.9% of people who use the rack tend to exit the gym with jelly legs or can’t walk for the following week and never use it again.
“Not Jack though. He would absolutely batter the rack, taking on anything it could give. Eventually, this became too much to take.”
He went on to explain how the situation came to a head this week.
“You see, the squat rack is a proud piece of equipment, and is typically avoided by meat heads who choose not to train their legs out of fear. But Jack would come in daily and destroy it every day.
“It just got too much. It’s a shadow of its former self now. My 84-year-old grandad him apart doing physio on his knee this week and that was the final straw.
“You never like to see it. We wish the squat rack all the best in the future.”
It is unknown if Jack Grealish will continue to use this sports centre now his favourite piece of equipment has been scared off. Rumours circulating suggest the England midfielder may opt for a daily 700-mile cycle around the UK on the hardest gear-setting on his mountain bike, just to break a sweat.
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