Wayne Rooney’s nightmare month just got worse after the Derby County manager inadvertently burnt down the club’s training centre whilst making toast.
Having crocked one of his star players earlier this week while working under a transfer embargo due to financial problems at the club, Rooney is starting to show the strains of club management.
However, despite his own pressures, the former Manchester United and England frontman was planning to give his players a well-earned treat after training which ultimately turned into a nightmare.
“We’d a Mother’s Pride loaf due to go off at home – you know what the heat is like with bread – and it seemed a shame to waste it,” England’s record goalscorer told us “and seeing as I’ve only got a squad of nine players at the moment, I thought I’d show my appreciation of how hard they’ve been working by making them some brekky.”
The problem occurred when a coach load of triallists and sixth-formers from Burton turned up at the Rams’ training complex to be put through their paces by the manager with a view to filling out the squad for the season opener against Huddersfield Town next Saturday.
“The bailiffs took the Dualit toaster from the kitchen last week,” Rooney explained, “so I had to use an eye-level grill for the toast, but then I totally forgot it was on when I went out to greet the lads
“Next thing I saw flames shooting out of the windows. Thank goodness no-one was still in there.”
With his private life once again becoming very public property, Rooney also managed to sideline Republic of Ireland midfielder Jason Knight for up to three months, following an overzealous tackle in one of the sessions earlier this week and yesterday’s events have capped off a month that the Evertonian will want to forget.
His players meanwhile, continue to back their boss to the hilt; “Wazza’s had it tough recently,” declared goalkeeper David Marshall, “but the lads are behind him one million per-cent.
“This weekend we’re going round all the pub teams in the Derby area to try to strengthen the squad before next week’s big kick-off.
“We’re particularly interested to talk to anyone with a 4×4 as they repossessed the club coach on Wednesday.”
Rooney has also apparently put an ad in the local press asking for players of all abilities to pop up to the training ground for a chat even though they know they’ll have to play on a non-contract basis, but also in the safe knowledge that the gaffer will foot the bar bill after every home game at least.
“I may have to ask them to pop round to Pride Park for a chat instead,” explained a frustrated Rooney, as firemen continued to sift through smouldering rubble to see if they could at least rescue the bottle of tomato ketchup that had apparently “only just been opened.”
**Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is proudly 100% genuine fake news – if you believe this actually happened, we’ve some magic beans to sell you…**
MORE BREAKING NEWS:
- Breaking: Joe Hart fails Celtic medical over flaky scalp
- Juan Mata to become United parking attendant when he retires
- John Terry seen in full Swansea kit as he searches for manager job
- Fella on Twitter: ‘Varane’s sh*te now’ as United poised to swoop
- Villa allow Smith-Rowe to continue development at Arsenal for another season
- Paddy’s Rewards Club: Win a trip for two to ANY Premier League game