Combustible Porto centre-half Pepe was involved in an altercation in a phonebox outside the Campo Bela Vista stadium on Wednesday evening
Having lit up a preseason friendly against Roma with robust challenges, creasing Henrikh Mkhitaryan, needlessly leaving the boot in on everyone else and causing a mass brawl during a meaningless game, the 38-year-old sh*thouse still had the energy to cause a ruckus inside a 4ft by 4ft plastic cube outside the stadium on his own after the game.
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A statement from the local constabulary read: “We can confirm there was an incident involving a 38-year-old male and a phone box on Thursday evening.”
“Local officers attended the scene and found a man in dispute with a disused phone receiver.”
“When it was pointed out the phone service had been cut-off in 2005 the man kicked the phonebox, dropped to the ground, rolled four times and claimed the phone receiver tried to bite his ear off.”
“We then issued a yellow card to both the man and the phonebox and told them to cop on, it’s only a preseason friendly.”
Eye witness reports suggest that the centre-half returned to the phonebox several times throughout the evening, jostling it, pinching it and insulting its mother.
When approached for comment this morning, the defender told Paddy Power News that incident wouldn’t interfere with his preparation for the new season.
Pepe in a “friendly” game 😀 pic.twitter.com/RFtX8ugN1M
— Photos of Football (@photosofootball) July 28, 2021
“It’s the perfect warm-up for me. I’m only disappointed I didn’t get to bite someone.
“I might bite you now. Come here to me….”
After running away, his agent later told us that the former Madrid man will be enrolling in a yoga and meditation course to control his emotions.
“Kicking off in a preseason game pushed him over the edge. Between that and planning to visit the Dalai Lama just to see if he could wind him up, it’s time to put his right,” he said.
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