Celtic aiming for ten-in-a-row of Champions League disasters ​

Talk about making history

Celtic’s aim of a historic ten disastrous Champions League qualifying round exits remains on course after a gruelling extra-time defeat in Denmark to Midtjylland on Wednesday evening.

The Glasgow club exited the Champions League 3-2 on aggregate despite Callum McGregor’s stunning opener in the second leg, continuing their now-annual tradition of ballsing up their entire season before everyone else has put away their sun lotion.


The Hoops have now crashed out of the competition in the qualifying round four seasons in a row – but new manager Ange Postecoglou is confident it doesn’t have to stop there.

‘Neill Lennon’s put great foundations in place here, but this just a small step for us – one where we tied our shoelaces together, found the nearest banana skin, and then fell flat on our face.

“I’m delighted with how the lads pulled it off. You just can’t put a price on falling apart like that.”

A member of the Celtic board later corrected the manager’s statement, saying “in fact, you can – it’s about £40m for the group stage alone”.

And the Australian gaffer has now set his sights on higher goals.

“We’re working towards something bigger,” he said. “I’m only here a few weeks and I already know how huge ten-in-a-row Champions League qualifying disasters could be.”


Their pursuit of ten league titles in a row fall apart last season despite their only rivals, Rangers, just recently being granted access to a pot to piss in by Her Majesty’s Revenue Service.

And the club is already buzzing about the new ten-in-a-row challenge having failed to make the group stage of Europe’s premier club competition for the fourth successive season.

“Oh, this is up there with the best of them,” captain McGregor said after the game.

“AEK, Cluj, Ferencvaros, now Midtjylland – they’ve given us some magical nights in Europe, but we think we do even worse in the years to come.

“Why not Maribor again? And the club has unfinished business with Lincoln Red Imps.

“Do Artmedia Bratislava still exist? There’s no reason we can’t f**k up against them again if they do.”

And Celtic’s management are already making moves to ensure they’ll fail to make the Champions League group stage for years to come.

“Signing Vasilis Barkas last season was just putting one piece in place,” said a source close to club hierarchy.

Kristoffer Ajer’s gone this week, Odsonne Edouard’ll be out soon, and Joe Hart’s raring to join us.”

“Celtic fans can rest assured there’s a plan here. We won’t balls up this ten-in-a-row.”

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