Italy captain and world-class sh*thouse Giorgio Chiellini has been rumbled in his efforts to get an upper hand for his side ahead of the Euro 2020 final, Paddy Power News can reveal.
The lumbering centre-half’s conspicuous frame was spotted by numerous sources in London’s west end while ducking into Mr Tickle’s Laugh Emporium and purchasing a double-sided pound coin for the ref of Sunday’s final.
No amount of clown face paint or curly multicoloured wigs could disguise the jovial Juventus man’s distinctive features as he collected numerous comedy props from the store, and several witnesses reported him describing his diabolical schemes as he paid for the items.
Covering his face with the collar of his long brown coat, the defender revealed he had a “big event on Sunday” in broken English, saying the fake coin “will do just the trick… ON THE REFEREE” to no one in particular before breaking into howls of malevolent laughter and twiddling a fake moustache he’d picked up from the bargain bin.
Chiellini made his mark on the penalty shoo-out in Italy’s semi-final despite not taking a kick himself when he bantered Spain captain Jordi Alba into oblivion as the ref tossed the coin to decide who would go first from the spot.
“We knew we were beaten then and there,” coach Luis Enrique said afterwards. “No one was ready for the overwhelming power of Giorgio’s passive-aggressive matey braggadocio.”
“It’s something we’ll need to add for Qatar 2022 if we’re to have any hope.”
Now, English minds to what other jape and practical jokes the rugged defender has in store for their side ahead of the Euro 2020 decider.
Several onlookers report that the 36-year-old appeared to have packed a bag with stink bombs, while some alarming reports suggest he was later seen closely examining drawings of Wembley’s ventilation system while cackling maniacally and marking England’s dressing room with a big red circle.
It’s also been suggested a hand-buzzer for the pre-match handshake could be among the Italian’s comedic armoury.
And there were also suggestions that several fake dog turds were among his joke shop haul, though ex-Inter Milan fullback Ashley Young is thought to be a likely recipient. “A bird shat in his mouth, why not a dog?” said one source close to Chiellini.
In a worrying development on Friday evening, there were unconfirmed reports of whoopee cushions already appearing in the England dug-out at the stadium.
When contacted for comment, the Italian FA remained tight-lipped, saying:
“That could’ve been any 6ft2, Italian with a nose as crooked as the leaning tower of Pisa. We see no reason to believe Giorgio would try anything underhand ahead of this game,” though when pressed on the allegations, an angry spokesman admitted members of the team had been browsing around London’s shops.
“They were not near any joke shops but did pick up a cheap paddling pool in Argos for Raheem Sterling to dive into,” they said, before hanging up the phone.
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