There is widespread disbelief among top-flight clubs today following confirmation that they WILL be expected to play Brentford next season.
The Bees earned promotion through the Championship playoffs last season, but many of the elite sides had assumed it was “just banter” and one of the yo-yo clubs would actually fill the remaining spot.
Indeed, a source close to the Arsenal hierarchy said they’d already been in contact with their usual hotel in Bournemouth for next season as they thought the Cherries would fill the final place once Brentford admitted it was all a wind-up.
“We thought it was just banter after the Euro Super League fell apart – we were really taking the p*ss just being in it so expected something like this. They’re a real bunch of jokers over at the Premier League head office,” they said.
“They even let us register Igor Stepanovs as a player, the mad b*stards. Classic stuff,” he continued.
“And who’d really believe Brentford are in the Premier League ffs?!” he concluded, before pushing his comically extended eyeballs back in their sockets and repositioning his hat which had been temporarily tilted at a jaunty angle in surprise at the fixtures announcement.
The confirmation that they are in fact a Premier League team continues the stunning rise of a club that was only rediscovered by accident in 2012 when an unexploded German bomb from World War II was dug up and removed nearby.
A spokesman for the local council explained that: “In the course of essential maintenance to the water supply in 2012 we found munitions dating back to the bombing of the area in the early forties.
“Once they had been made safe and removed we realised an entire football club had been hidden behind it all these years. It was quite remarkable really.”
Indeed, the London side hasn’t been in the top tier of English football since 1947 – even your grandad who pretends to remember the blitz forgot they existed until he saw the fixtures released this morning.
And there has been a shocked response from fans on social media following the news.
“Can’t believe our players have to waste time playing Brentford this season,” ranted @GenMcPLainFan on Twitter, in a sentiment that was echoed by countless others.
“They could use that time doing something valuable – like meeting their endorsement commitments for that energy drink that tastes like p*ss and cinnamon mixed, or conning me into buying crypto,” they continued.
While others were feeling quite smug as the realisation dawned on the Premier League powerhouses.
“Maybe the ESL wasn’t such a bad idea #justsayin,” commented @PorentinoFlerez as he posted a screengrab of the Premier League fixtures with Brentford circled in red and “LOL” scribbled around it several times.
“We’ll always welcome new applications to the EL Clasico Power-Dyad Biannual Showcase Brought To You By Papa Johns League” he went on, before @-mentioning several high-profile pundits who opposed the ESL, saying “Enjoy your wet Wednesday nights in Brentford lol”.
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