UEFA offer Arsenal place in Europa Essex Senior League ​

What an honour

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Arsenal have been invited by UEFA to play in the newly formed Europa Essex Senior League, Paddy Power News understands.

The London club faced the prospect of playing no European football next season after missing out on a place in the Europa Conference League.

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However, UEFA president Aleksander Čeferin has offered the Gunners a European lifeline by creating yet another continental cup competition.

On the format of the new Europa Essex Senior League, Čeferin said:

‘It’s like the Europa Conference League but even more sh*t’.

‘384 of the worst teams on the continent – including Arsenal – will participate in the inaugural season of the competition’.

‘Should Arsenal safely navigate their way through the 27 qualifying rounds, they will play a 4-legged play-off tie to reach the first of 17 group stages’.

 

‘Group winners will qualify for the knockout rounds where they will meet teams who finished bottom of their Europa Conference League groups and some Sunday League sides we picked at random’.

‘Games will be played at 11pm on a Thursday night with the final taking place in Siberia next May’.

Arsenal boss Mikel Arteta welcomed the news at a press conference this afternoon.

‘Ever since I was a boy, I’ve always dreamt of getting my hands on the Europa Essex Senior League’, revealed the Spaniard.

‘By accepting this invitation, we hope to uphold this club’s proud tradition of underachieving in Europe’.

‘The boys are relishing the opportunity to test themselves against relegation-threatened sides from the likes of Kazakhstan, Azerbaijan and Scotland’.

Asked whether he felt a potential extra 84 fixtures might have a detrimental impact on their Premier League performances next season, Arteta said:

‘I’m confident we can maintain our shite domestic form while playing sh*te abroad as well’.

Meanwhile, Tottenham are doubtful that qualification for next season’s Europa Conference League will be enough to convince Harry Kane to remain with the club.

It’s understood Kane spent the entire coach journey back to London yesterday asking if the Conference is where Rushden & Diamonds play.

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