Following a year of desperately bad luck, news has broken that Liverpool defender, Virgil Van Dijk, has been seen driving to Dundee in bare feet.
Having been sidelined with injury since October after being on the end of a savage Jordan Pickford kung-fu kick, life seems to have gone from bad to worse for the Dutch international, who is believed to have put on 25lbs after continuously gorging on Toblerone.
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“Every time Liverpool have a bad game, big Virgil comfort eats, and now I am getting messages telling me he’s in Scotland without any shoes on,” said a club insider.
“He’s not in a good way but being unable to get on the pitch is only part of the problem. His biggest challenge this season has been watching Nat Phillips and Rhys Williams attempt to play football. That’s where the long-term damage has been done. He’s simply seen enough and doesn’t want to look at the horror any longer.”
And Paddy Power News understands that Van Dijk hit rock bottom on hearing news that Manchester City centre-back, Ruben Dias, was the first defender to win the Football Writers’ Association Footballer of the Year Award since 1989; an award Van Dijk firmly believes should have been his last year.
“He feels hard-done-by that a player with far less ability and far worse stats has been given a trophy,” continued the insider.
“Defenders never get the credit they deserve, then all of a sudden, with Van Dijk injured, the media decides to start unleashing all manner of praise on Dias.
“It’s enough to send anybody on a chocolate-fueled, self-destructive road-trip binge to Scotland if you ask me.”
However, reports that he was accosted by the police in possession of a traffic cone are said to be unfounded.
“Virgil’s upset with all that’s happened but, needless to say, he’ll have the last laugh,” our source confirmed.
And Paddy Power News can exclusively reveal that another Premier League defensive heavyweight, Chelsea centre-back Antonio Rudiger, is considering a switch to the WWE following the Dias news.
Fed up with pushing around opposing strikers like a Wetherspoons bouncer pushes around a Friday night drunken moron, Rudiger is believed to be sticking with the mask and entering the ring under his new alias, “The Sh*thouse”.
“To get into character, I just think imagine Frank Lampard being the manager at Chelsea again and I turn into a ball of seething rage,” he said.
“And I’m used to holding off Premier League forwards two-at-a-time, so taking on the WWE doesn’t scare me,” he said. “Those chairs and trash cans are made out of tinfoil anyway – they wouldn’t knock over Neymar on a windy day.”
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