Tottenham Hotspur striker Harry Kane has issued a ‘come and get me’ plea to absolutely anyone who is willing to listen, Paddy Power News understands.
Kane’s preference is to remain in the Premier League although sources claim he is prepared to drop down as low as the Spartan South Midlands League to get away from his boyhood club.
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The 27-year-old talisman has yet to win a trophy at Spurs despite scoring 220 goals and laying claim to another 1,074 during his time in North London.
‘Please, anyone, if you’re listening. Get me out of here’, screamed Kane, whilst pounding on Tottenham’s locked changing room door.
‘I’ll go anywhere. Chelsea, back to Millwall – I’ll even go to Man United. Just please make it stop’.
After jimmying the lock using one of Gareth Bale’s discarded hair clips, Kane then attempted to escape from Tottenham’s Enfield Training Centre.
Cruelly, the striker only made it as far as the car park before he was rugby tackled to the ground by Son Heung-min.
‘Please, take me with you’, sobbed the South Korean international, his arms wrapped around the England star’s ankles.
When Kane wriggled free, the 28-year-old former Leverkusen star turned his attention to Wales forward Gareth Bale who was making his own escape bid using a helicopter disguised as a golf cart.
‘Take me to Madrid! I’ll be your caddy!’, yelled Son, whilst desperately clinging on to the chopper’s rope ladders.
Meanwhile, eyewitnesses claim they saw Spurs chairman Daniel Levy chucking his phone into the River Moselle shortly after the news broke.
‘If they can’t reach me, they can’t make a bid’, cackled Levy, as he watched the device get swallowed by the murky water.
‘It’s all gone rather mammary glands facing north since we bottled that Champions League final’, admitted the 59-year-old as he Googled new smartphone deals.
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