Ahead of tonight’s game against Leeds United, and following the announcement they are to be part of a breakaway European Super League, Liverpool Football Club issued a statement to explain the move to their furious fanbase.
The club has already seen protest banners placed at Anfield while the club’s furious online supporters threaten to not buy next season’s third kit – but will obviously get the home and away shirts cos they don’t want a gap in the collection – in demonstration against the move.
But a video statement read by some gofer hired by club owner John W Henry over footage of dollar bills being printed and ATMs spitting out £50 notes, said:
“This is Anfield, This is our club. These are our gate receipts, These are our games and you’ll be able to watch them for the low, low price of £24.99 each from September 2022.”
“This is the Kop, where you can give up your season ticket if you want because there’s a waiting list as long as Luis Suarez’s disciplinary record of people ready to fill it.”
“This is support. This is community. This is solidarity with a billionaire New Englander’s pursuit of an ever-hihger place on the Forbes Rich List.”
“They have songs, we have the ringing of cash registers playing over and over in our heads.”
“They have a chairman, we have a hedge fund.”
“They have supporters, we have underexploited markets and new commercial partnerships.”
“We are Liverpool. This means more – approximately £300m or so, to be exact.”
Club insiders have said they are “confident” the statement will placate the restless fans – and if it doesn’t they’re not all that bothered because there’s plenty of people who’ll pay for a Video-on-Demand season ticket for Gazprom European Super League brought to you by Amazon Prime™ instead.
The club is also hopeful the statement will protect manager Jurgen Klopp from a barrage of questions this evening about the move given his previously stated opposition to similar proposals.
“We think Jurgen will understand when he sees the video statement issued by the club,” our source confirmed.
“And if he doesn’t the St John’s Ambulance have been brief to prepare a strong sedative and restraints ahead of tonight’s game”.
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