Cristiano Ronaldo has rubbished claims he turned his back on a free-kick which cost Juventus a place in this season’s Champions League quarter-finals, by insisting: ‘I was just practicing my goal celebration’.
The Juve star has been the subject of fierce criticism after he appeared to turn away from the strike while parting his legs in a half-hearted attempt to block the ball.
Fans and pundits around the world took aim at the 36-year-old forward who seemed to be more concerned with being struck by the ball than obstructing its path to goal.
However, the Portuguese claims to have a simple explanation for his unorthodox reaction to the set play.
‘Was I afraid of being struck in the testicles with a leather-bound object travelling at 70mph? Of course not’, the former Real Madrid star told Paddy Power News.
‘Did it cross my mind the free-kick might strike my beautiful face resulting in a superficial wound or some extensive dental treatment? Perish the thought’.
‘The truth is; Oliveira took an age over the free-kick. While I was waiting, I decided to practice my trademark goal celebration’.
‘Unfortunately, whilst I was in mid-air, the sneaky f**ker struck the ball underneath me into the goal’.
Meanwhile, Ronaldo is hoping his bravery for lining up in the wall will be recognised by Italian authorities with a Medal of Valour.
‘I knew the risks involved when I stood in front of that little ball full of compressed air’.
‘Some people will say I’m a hero but for me, I was just doing my job’.
‘If I win, I will share my award with my teammates Alvaro Morata and Adrien Rabiot who displayed similar levels of bravery when the ball was struck in their direction’.
In related news, Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi are sh*te now. That’s according to some lad on Twitter.
Dublin man Joe McMelter believes the serial Ballon d’Or winning duo are ‘well past it’ and backed up his claims with some stats he made up.
‘Penaldo and Pessi can’t even average a goal-a-game anymore now they’re almost 40’, tweeted the 38-year-old stay-at-home-son.
‘Useless. They can f**k off to the MLS’, he typed, whilst plucking Doritos crumbs out of his chest hair.
- Lyle Lanley wows Barcelona members with Monorail plan
- United sign Gok Wan to upstage Pep’s touchline fashion crimes
- Pele: ‘I might lose goal record – but I’ll always have Viagra’
- Paddy’s Hall Of Fame: Footy punter turns £10 into £10,242 with bold 12-fold acca