A new study has revealed that changing your duvet is better craic than Saturday’s Manchester derby.
Following a dull stalemate between Manchester’s biggest rivals, the Institute of Ridiculous Studies concluded that putting your quilt cover on is preferable to watching another 90mins of football between the pair.
With a quarter of the season gone and both clubs seemingly still in contention for the Premier League title, the neighbouring sides arranged to play out a drab 0-0 draw.
When several viewers lodged complaints after allegedly losing a breast to boredom, a study was compiled to establish if there was ever anything deemed as bloody boring.
Discussing her findings with Paddy Power News, Dr Steph O’Scope (Head of Research at the Institute of Ridiculous Studies) said:
‘Imagine painting the living room walls beige while watching The Irishman and you’re still not even close to the levels of tediousness inflicted upon the public by Ole and Pep’.
‘7 out of 10 test subjects agreed that watching an episode of Bargain Hunt narrated by James Milner would be a more enjoyable way to spend your Saturday evening than watching that shite’.
Manchester derby:
Yellow cards: 2
Hugs: 20
Kisses: 12
Passion: 0Only Fernandinho showed some passion! Worse derby ever!
— City Chief (@City_Chief) December 12, 2020
‘With 20 minutes to go, 9 of our subjects opted to watch a YouTube video of Ed Sheeran filling out his tax return instead’.
‘However, when the 4th official announced there’d be 2 minutes additional time, all 10 decided to go change a duvet cover for a king-size bed’.
Meanwhile, Manchester United skipper Harry Maguire revealed he celebrated last night’s exhilarating 0-0 draw by doing a 2000-piece jigsaw of a marble.
Soccer Football – Champions League – Group Stage – Group H – Manchester United v Valencia – Old Trafford, Manchester, Britain – October 2, 2018 General view inside the stadium before the match REUTERS/Phil Noble
Sharing a post with his 18 Instagram followers, the 27-year-old said:
‘Buzzing after the game tonight. Kicking back now with a mug of Bovril and a puzzle’.
In other news, upon hearing the results of the study, Manchester United’s social media department responded by posting a video of Dwight Yorke’s goals during the club’s Treble-winning season.
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