President-Unelect Donald Trump’s attempts to hang onto power have stepped up with a further allegation of fraud – against Belgium manager Roberto Martinez.
The tangerine-coloured Commander-in-Chief let rip on the managerial record of the 47-year-old Spaniard in a late-night Twitter dirge that observers say was intended to distract from the failures of his many legal actions against the general election result.
“THE FAKE NEWS MEDIA KEEP LYING ABOUT THE FRAUD IN SO MANY STATES JUST LIKE THEY KEEP LYING ABOUT THE FRAUD ROBERTO MARTINEZ,” the out-going President wrote, displaying a hitherto unknown interest in football which led many to wonder if his account had been hacked.
“WHERE ARE WIGAN NOW? NOWHERE. FA CUP WIN. WHO CARES? AND EVERTON WERE TERRIBLE,” he continued.
“MARTINEZ IS A REAL LOSER. LIKE SLEEPY JOE IN THIS ELECTION!”
Despite being gifted a selection of players PSG would struggle to afford and which has lifted the Rode Duivels to the No 1 in FIFA’s World Rankings, the manager is yet to convince many he’s cut out for the job of winning a major tournament,
“THEY’RE WASTING A GOLDEN GENERATION. SAD.” Trump lamented. Unlike many of the president’s recent posts, Twitter has not yet flagged the claims about Martinez as “disputed” because few have found them controversial.
Meanwhile, reports are emanating this evening from within the Oval Office that its reluctant-to-leave occupant has said he’ll concede the election “if Southgate starts Grealih against Belgium.”
The President is said to be a “big fan” for the Aston Villa playmaker, largely because he shares the same love for ridiculous hairstyles.
And now the President may put the fate of US democracy in the hands of Gareth Southgate, who has been reluctant to use the oddly-coiffured 25-year-old in big games for England.
“Jack’s a maverick, just like Trump himself,” a source close to the President’s team said. “He’d love to see him in the team.”
“Plus, there’s no way Southgate pick him against Belgium – he only started him against Ireland so he had an excuse.”
“You didn’t actually think Trump would leave, did you? They’ll need a JCB to get him out of here.”
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