No-Bullsh*t Transfer Talk: Man City counting the cost of a Messi move

This Messi lad, he's not bad

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Paddy’s here to dig into Tuesday’s steaming pile of transfer manure with his bare hands…

Man City for Messi?

Fresh from fluffing their lines in the Champions League quarter-finals, Man City are keen to bring in a superstar who has made a habit of disappearing in in the Champions League in recent seasons, according to reports today.

Lionel Messi’s contract with Barcelona ends next summer and if the 10-time La Liga winner, four-time Champions League winner, six-time Ballon d’Or recipient and “massive bottler” according to your da chooses not to renew with the Spanish giants they’ll probably want to cash-in on him for whatever he’s worth.

And Man City have bags of money, so…

Well, while City gave Financial Fairplay a smacking in the courts, everyone’s still pretending it actually matters, so handing over a nine-figure sum might impact on that.

Throw in that Pep might not want to let Messi start picking the team, and you can see why this probably won’t happen despite the rumours.

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Donny wants to wet his beak

Fed up of acting like they were going to sign Jadon Sancho, Man United could now distract fans with another saga for Dutch starlet Donny van de Beek.

The 23-year-old attacking midfielder was part of Ajax’s sensational run to the Champions League semi-finals in 2019 where their spectacular capitulation to Spurs – of all fecking teams – showed he’s definitely cut out for the Premier League’s top four challengers.

ed woodward

And the “news” today suggests that Van de Beek would really, really, really like to move to the Premier League. In fact, short of flossing in front of Ed Woodward’s house with a “come and get me” sign hanging around his neck, we’re not sure what more the Ajax man can do to signal his intentions.

However, his club have taken Borussia Dortmund’s lead by setting a “deadline” for the transfer to happen otherwise, they’ll have to ask for even more money from United, or any other suitors, before a deal is done.

Are you havin’ A-llan?

Resisting the temptation to warp time and space by signing the Brazilian striker Everton, Everton Football Club have settled on a strategy of signing the most boringly named Brazilians possible, hence their interest in Napoli midfielder Allan for a fee of approximately £31.5m instead.

The 29-year-old will face stiff competition from Bernard for the title of most uninspiring Brazilian name among the Blues squad should the deal go through, with Richarlison also said to be considering a legal name-change to Rich Arlison in a bid to nab the prestigious accolade, and possibly open the bowling for Lancashire in the 1960s should that time warp open up in the northeast anyway.

NAPLES, ITALY – JULY 25: Allan of SSC Napoli scores the 2-0 goal during the Serie A match between SSC Napoli and US Sassuolo at Stadio San Paolo on July 25, 2020 in Naples, Italy. (Photo by Francesco Pecoraro/Getty Images)

However, moves are also afoot to bring Joe Linton from Newcastle to Goodison Park for a fee that owner Farhad Moshiri should really know better than to allow at this stage, meaning Joe, Rich, Allan and Bernard could all be owning whippets, fancying pigeons and sipping pints of bitter on Merseyside together in 2021.

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