Mike Ashley says ‘f**k it’ and sticks Newcastle on Gumtree

He’s got to sell the club some way.

NewcastlesellJul20

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Mike Ashley has stuck Newcastle United on Gumtree following the collapse of a Saudi-backed takeover of the club.

The 55-year-old posted an ad on the classifieds website in a desperate last-ditch bid to the flog the Premier League outfit. The economic ramifications of the coronavirus have left the much-loved Newcastle owner with a mere £2bn in the bank, forcing him to sell the club.

However, a proposed Saudi takeover fell through over concerns about the Investment Group’s links to notorious pirate and irreverent trickster, Captain Jack Sparrow.

Mike-Ashley

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Yesterday’s announcement was the latest in a series of failed bids for the Geordie outfit.

Ashley initially held talks with Quahog billionaire Carter Pewterschmidt and Scottish business magnate Scrooge McDuck, which collapsed last year.

As a last resort, the Sports Direct CEO is hoping to find a buyer on Gumtree, an online classifieds website where people can purchase secondhand sh**e or hire a dodgy plumber.

Newcastle fan

The Sports Direct CEO posted an ad on the website this morning which read:

For sale:

1x football club, situated in the North East of England

Colour: Black & White

12 previous owners

Comes with full set of 28 players, although Andy Carroll is broken

£300M ONO – no time wasters please!!!

Contact me at bigsexymike1@gmail.com

After posting the ad, Ashley released a statement via the club’s official website:

“Following the collapse of the Saudi takeover bid, I have decided to lump the club on Gumtree”.

“You will be delighted to know that I’ve already had several enquiries this morning”.

“A lady called Karen from Heddon-on-the-Wall would like to see some pics and will discuss it with her husband when he gets in from work later”.

“Also, a lad called Dominic from London has asked if he could come out and have a look at it before he makes an offer”.

“While I’m at it, would anyone be interested in a 12ft trampoline base? Selling for 15 quid as the trampoline got damaged in the wind”.

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