News broke this morning that Manchester City would be spared a suspension from UEFA club competitions for the next two seasons after the Court of Arbitration for Sport (CAS) quashed the ban.
However, it wasn’t all good news for City, as they were slapped with a €10,000,000 fine for obstructing UEFA’s investigation. and while that might only amount to Eliaquim Mangala’s left leg in the transfer market, it does carry consequences for the club’s owner, Sheikh Mansour as he’ll have to wait at least another month before buying that 59th yacht he’s always wanted.
‘It’s heartbreaking,’ a source close to the Emirati royal family divulged following lengthy discussions among the ownership group this morning.
‘He’d been dropping any change he had in his pockets into a jar for the last couple of months saving for it. And now it’s gone.’
‘Well, I say jar, it’s an old aquarium really – one of those ones they keep the whales in at those American “Seaworld” places.’
‘Anytime he was flying back from somewhere he’d have the helicopter hover over it and just empty bags of change out the side.’
‘He’d been considering triple-glazing the royal palace and installing a wood-burning stove with it all until someone pointed out it’s actually quite hot already in Dubai and there’s f**k all trees, at which point it was decided that another yacht might be worth it instead.’
And, in a PR statement to Paddy Power News, one of the Sheikh’s personal assistants outlines the disappointment this fine has caused.
BREAKING: Manchester City will play in the Champions League next season after club’s two-year ban from European football overturned
— Sky Sports News (@SkySportsNews) July 13, 2020
‘Sheikh Mansour and Abu Dhabi United Group wish to acknowledge the significance of UEFA’s fine. “I have many dreams, and am lucky enough to have made a few of them a reality, but sadly I will not be able to own my 59th yacht this month. I will personally pay this fine on behalf of my club instead.”‘
When it was pointed out that the owner pouring money into the club is what led to this investigation in the first place, the Sheikh was reported to have said ‘we’ll set up an airline or bank or something to sponsor the match days pies at £10,000-per-pie. It’ll all be above board this time.’