The release of a trailer for Amazon Prime’s behind-the-scenes documentary on Tottenham’s 2019/20 season has drawn a furious reaction from club chairman Daniel Levy, who has demanded cuts be made to the final series after Spurs’ disastrous campaign – and that it should be replaced with a DVD from the Tottenham club shop!
“We were led to believe we would have control over the final edit of this” the exasperated executive reportedly fumed in a conference call with the production company today, according to our top sources within the Spurs stadium cheese room.
Between bites of a full-bodied Gorgonzola, the 58-year-old is said to have argued that the club should have the right to replace the behind-the-scenes footage given how poorly the side has fared since the cameras started rolling.
“This was supposed to be about selling the Tottenham Stadium Experience to fans around the world – who’d want to come and see this sh*tshow?!” he moaned.
The trailer was released just hours after Spurs failed to register a single shot on goal against relegation-destined Bournemouth in a tedious nil-nil draw. The result is a further blow to their slim Champion League qualification ambitions.
“Sure, we’ve got Camembert coming out of our eyes, a microbrewery that’ll twirl the ‘tache of the hippest hipster and a club shop the size of Harrods – and ticket prices to match – but no one’s forking out for anything when they see the mess we’re in.”
“More importantly, I look like an idiot – I dumped Poch for this on camera! F**k me!”
The producers initially rejected a proposal to replace the behind-the-scenes footage with a collection of “Tottenham’s greatest moments” on the basis that they have eight hours of time to fill and that would only cover about 15 minutes at best.
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Levy then suggested that the documentary should cover everything up to Pochettino’s departure “and then just cut to black – like The Sopranos,” but that was also dismissed as unworkable.
The chairman then dispatched his assistant newly-installed assistant Tanguy Ndombele – “Jose doesn’t fancy him, so we’ve got to find something for him to do” – to pick up a copy of “Tottenham in Europe 2018/19: The Road to Glory (By Our Standards)” from the club shop, explaining to the bemused TV show makers how making the Champions League final and losing was “as good as winning it really, when you think about it.”
“We could just play this four or five times in a row to fill the time, couldn’t we?”, he asked over a plate of Jarlsberg and a jam jar of Nayim’s Hoof IPA from the bar downstairs.
“It’s our biggest achievement in 60 years, that’s worth remembering”, he said, before the call disconnected.