Kane wants United move to win trophies – once time travel is invented

Yep, that's due to happen any day now....


Harry Kane has talked up a potential switch to Manchester United – with the England striker revealing the move hinges on the invention of time travel.

The Tottenham skipper spoke candidly during an Instagram live session with former Spurs and Liverpool star Jamie ‘Literally’ Redknapp.
Kane admits he will leave Tottenham if they fail to match his ambitions with his most likely destination being Sir Alex Ferguson’s Treble-winning side of 1999.

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When asked about spending the remainder of his career in North London, he said:

‘It’s a good question – that’s not like you, Jamie, well done’.

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‘I’ve made no secret of the fact I want to win trophies, whether that’s here at Tottenham or elsewhere’.

When asked if that elsewhere meant Manchester United, Kane replied.

‘It’s complicated’.

‘It all depends on whether or not we can invent time travel. My agent is working on a flux capacitor as we speak’.

‘We’re expecting a breakthrough any day now. I’d love to play under Fergie during the Treble season’.

‘Three medals in one year? Wow. I haven’t even won ONE with these bottling-b*stards’.

‘Then after that we’d sit down with my agent and our crack team of scientists to discuss the future, or the past in this case’.

Quizzed on which other side’s achievement’s he’d like to hijack, Kane slobbered:

‘Maybe the Ajax ’95 side under Van Gaal or Madrid’s 2003 Galacticos team. Linking up with Becks would be a dream come true’.

However, the conversation turned sour when Redknapp suggested that all this talk of time travel was just an elaborate ploy to extort another humungous pay rise out of Spurs.

‘I don’t care for the accusation’, snapped a flustered-looking Kane while dabbing the sweat from his brow with a crisp £50 note.

‘Some players are content to knock in goals for crap clubs their whole career. I don’t wanna be the next Alan Shearer or Matt Le Tissier’, he argued.

However, when Redknapp pointed out Shearer had already won the Premier League by the time he was Kane’s age, the England striker lost his sh*t.

‘You’re crap on A League of Their Own’, gargled Kane before abruptly ending the video.

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