Leeds United are having their annual meltdown a little earlier this season in order to spare their beleaguered fans the heartache of yet another play-off defeat, it has emerged.
The kind-hearted gesture was announced this morning in a club statement which read:
‘In the best interests of everyone associated with the club, the board has instructed head coach Marcelo Bielsa to push the self-destruct button ahead of schedule this year’.
‘I think you’ll all agree, we’d rather resign ourselves to another year in The Championship than suffer the indignity of another defeat in the play-offs to a side who finished 6th’.
‘The club would like to thank the players in advance as we strive for mid-table mediocrity come May’.
In recent seasons, the Yorkshire club has stormed into early leads at the top of the table only to fall apart around March.
The news was greeted with widespread relief by supporters who’ve become accustomed to getting their hopes up that the club might finally end its 16-year wait for a Premier League return.
‘Oh, thank f**k for that’, said lifelong Leeds United fan Kes Moyles.
‘None of us could take another bastid season of being in the top two before sh*tting bed again in March’.
‘Bring on another year in t’Championship’s what I say’.
‘Nowt like a good scuffle with Millwall or Hull lads. Those Premier League fans are soft as sh*te, lad’.
We caught up with Leeds head coach Marcelo Bielsa this morning who was disguised as the mascot Baggie Bird at a West Brom training session. He told us:
‘It is true, the board have told me to lose the plot earlier than expected this season’.
‘I’ve asked my coaches to intensify the training sessions in order to completely knacker the squad two months ahead of schedule’.
‘Tomorrow morning the players will do a quick warm-up by jogging around the perimeter of the Pennines. Then we’ll do a bit of ball work. After that, it’s another TWO laps of the Pennines’, revealed the Argentine.
Despite all this, both the club and its supporters still intend to blame their annual implosion on a complicit pact between Sky and the football league to keep Leeds down.