Ole Gunnar Solskjaer was at his most Gil-from-The-Simpsons-like on Sunday evening as he squirmed under the glare of that dogged pursuer of truth, Geoff Shreeves.
Sky’s inquisitor-in-chief was determined to get to the bottom of just what in the name of f**k United are going to do now they’ve lost Marcus Rashford until around the time Liverpool win the league, and no amount of references to Sir Alex or Barcelona ’99 were going to deflect him from getting an answer.
Solskjaer eventually confirmed that their leading goal-threat would be out of at least six weeks, and with that came the obvious question: It’s January, you’ve no strikers, surely you’re going to splash the cash?
And on who?
Funny you should ask, Geoff, because we’ve got a few ideas right here.
Is it 2012 again? Have I fallen into a black hole? Is this what watching Sky Sports News every waking hour for three weeks will do to you?
Ed Woodward’s reportedly had it bad for the big Uruguayan for as long as he’s been a football fan – almost ten years now, well done Ed – and with news circulating that the all-action forward’s cheekbones are no longer du jour in Paris, well, it just seems as perfect a marriage of convenience as ever you saw.
Our punters agree too, with Cavani’s price to move to United during the January transfer window dropping from 10/1 last week to 11/2 this morning as cash flowed in on the move, and he’s since contracted further, the price available now on him inching closer to odds-on at 13/8.
You know that guy who you chose not to sign last summer because you didn’t think he was worth it? Well, now you’re desperate, he’s still available and – get this – you still have to pay that fee you didn’t want to stump up six months ago – and maybe a little bit more!
The Portuguese midfielder has been responsible for more screamers than Harry Styles in the Liga Nos, but doubts remain over whether he’s cut out for the step up and if he can pass the ball adequately.
Still, United need bodies at this stage, and he does have one of those, so it looks like this deal will be done based on the 3/10 odds once United cave and add that extra zero to the fee that Sporting Lisbon want.
Even if that deal goes through the plan at United is for James Maddison to bolster United’s attacking options too for the princely sum of £80million quid or thereabouts., and the betting markets give is a shot at 6/4.
So impressed have they been with the Leicester starlet’s play they want him to become the number 10 for United for years to come.
Or at least until they sack Ole in the summer and replace him with an Old Trafford parking attendant.
He knows the club lads, give him a chance.
Already a familiar name to fans of most Premier League teams from the gossip columns, the RB Leipzig centre-forward could be just the signing United need to forget about that other Red Bull-affiliated player they wanted to sign but who p*ssed off somewhere else because, in all honesty, if you were a young footballer with the world at your feet would you want to sign with United right now?
Chelsea and Atletico Madrid are both shorter prices to move for the German international at the moment, but desperate times call for desperate measures – and even if you don’t sign him, maybe he has Mario Gomez’s number yeah?
Okay, so not a transfer in, but surely offloading him to Leicester, as the current 2/1 odds suggest may happen, would be almost like making a new signing given how he’s playing?
We’ve all seen the stats – no goals or assists since his voice broke and probably in need a fresh start somewhere else.
We’d suggest involving him in a swap deal for Maddison, but that might add to the asking fee.
*All odds correct at time of publication