Manchester United’s most expensive social media influencer Paul Pogba has been ruled out for the rest of the 2019/20 season after dislocating an eyelash.
The 26-year-old revealed the news to his Instagram followers this morning by posting a photo of a lash dangling from his left eyelid along with a caption which read: #prayforpaul.
Speaking to reporters earlier today, United boss Ole Gunnar Solskjaer confirmed his player would miss the remainder of the campaign.
‘It’s a bad one’, said the 46-year-old while shaking his head. ‘Paul’s tried to wipe the sleep from his eye and accidentally took a lash right out of its socket’.
‘That usually means 6 to 9 months recovery for modern players’, he added.
It’s a devastating blow for the World Cup winning midfielder who’d only just recovered from a life-threatening bout of the dreaded man-flu virus. Pogba hasn’t been seen in a United shirt, except on Instagram, since August fuelling rumours he’s been trying to engineer a move to Real Madrid.
But Solskjaer was keen to quash the gossip by insisting that Pogba’s injuries have been genuine.
‘I remember a doctor told my wife her labour pains would be so severe, she’d almost know how it felt to have man-flu’, explained the Norwegian. ‘I even had it once myself. It’s f**king freezing in Norway’.
The Treble-winning former United striker admits losing Pobga for the remainder of the season has dealt a tremendous blow to his side’s annual pursuit of 6th place.
‘His record of 24 haircuts in 38 league games last year tells you how important Paul is to this club’.
Meanwhile, United supremo Ed Woodward believes Pobga’s absence will have a huge impact upon United’s performance on the internet. ‘If you look at the stats from the past few seasons, Paul has been one of the most prolific Tweeters in world football’, said the 48-yr-old former used-car salesman.
‘Everyone at the club wishes Paul a speedy recovery and we hope to see him back doing what he does best as soon as possible. Selling shirts’, cackled Woodward while fanning himself with a wad of bank notes.