Following accusations that The Toffees had gone soft in recent times, Duncan Ferguson vowed to ‘toughen up’ his players with a revolutionary new training programme which he devised himself.
Stunned Everton stars arrived at Finch Farm on Thursday morning to be told by owner Farhad Moshiri that the 47-year-old Scot had been placed in temporary charge of the team.
Once the players arrived at the training pitch, Ferguson’s unorthodox training methods became quickly apparent.
‘The players were about to do a lap of the pitch to warm up when Ferguson told them to form a circle around him instead’, claims the source.
‘Then he ordered the players to attack him’.
‘Seamus Coleman asked if meant with a ball but Ferguson just chuckled and shook his head’.
‘At first, everyone thought it was a wind up. But when Ferguson screamed “ATTACK”, the lads knew he was 100% serious’.
‘First, Alex Iwobi charged at him but Ferguson dropped him instantly with a chop to the throat. Then Michael Keane lunged forward but he was knocked to the ground with a forearm smash’.
‘What happened next was like a scene from The Matrix, as Ferguson repelled the simultaneous attacks of the other 23 players using a mix of jujitsu and Glasgow street-fighting’.
‘As the entire first-team squad lay on the ground writhing in agony, Ferguson informed them that was their warm-up done’.
The 6ft 4 former Everton striker then separated his players into pairs and told them to break planks of wood across each other’s abdomens, which he claimed would ‘strengthen their core’.
Next up was a heading drill, during which Ferguson and his staff would throw breeze blocks in the air and order his players to head them into the goal.
After that they did some tackling work involving a series of 80/20 challenges with former Everton midfielder Thomas Gravesen.
Then the players did a bit of shooting practice using an array of various automatic and semi-automatic weapons from Ferguson’s own personal collection.
When that was done, the players did a few quick feet drills involving bear traps and land mines which almost ended in disaster for one star.
‘Theo Walcott screamed with agony after he got his right leg caught in a trap’, revealed the source.
‘He was begging the coaching staff to call for an ambulance. But Ferguson told him to stop being such a big Jessy and to run it off instead’.
And at the end of the session, the players cooled down with a waterboarding administered by Duncan himself.