We’ve managed to get our hands on the minutes from new Tottenham boss Jose Mourinho’s first meeting with Daniel Levy that reveal the Portuguese’s top 5 January transfer targets!
1. Nemanja Matic
Top of the pile is out-of-favour Man United midfielder and teacher’s pet, Nemanja Matic.
The towering Serb, affectionately nicknamed ‘The Crab’ by Mourinho (due to his restricted mobility which only permits him to slowly shuffle in a sideways motion) played under the 56-year-old at former clubs United and Chelsea.
Jose’s notes claimed: ‘Nemanja will form a formidable partnership with my English crab, Eric Dier, as part of an impenetrable back-six’.
The 31-yr-old Serb added fuel to the fire this morning by uploading a cryptic post to his Instagram account which appeared to show a man bearing a striking resemblance to Matic defecating on a Man United shirt.
2. John Terry
Next on the shortlist is Mourinho’s voice on the pitch, John Terry. Jose claims the ex-defender reached out to him as soon as he was appointed Tottenham boss.
He said the 38-yr-old sent a pic of himself stood in front of a mirror in a full Spurs kit via WhatsApp along with the caption ‘Ready Gaffer’. During the meeting Mourinho told Levy: ‘JT heard that the Tottenham boys and their wives are a close-knit group and can’t wait to be a part of the family’.
It’s understood that the Portuguese sees Terry and Vertonghen as his ideal central defensive partnership. ‘When you’re playing away from home, I can think of no bigger players than John and Jan’.
3. Zlatan Ibrahimovic
Another top transfer target for 2-time Champions League winner is free-agent Zlatan Ibrahimovic.
The only stumbling block may be the exorbitant terms of the Swede’s contract which include: £3bn-per-week; the immediate erection of his statue outside the club’s new stadium and that Martin Scorsese is hired to direct his signing reveal. The 38-year-old striker, who claims to have defeated a brick wall at tennis in straight sets, is available on a free since completing the MLS.
Discussing Ibra, Jose said: ‘Fortunately, Tottenham’s new ground is the only stadium in world football where both our egos would fit’.
4. Luke Shaw
The former Inter Milan boss instructed Daniel Levy to break the bank for the player he describes as his own personal stress ball.
The Portuguese tactician told Levy the best way to relieve the stresses of modern football management is to sign Luke Shaw.
‘Some coaches, they like to play golf. Some, go fishing. But for me, the best way to unwind away from football is to tell a packed press room what a worthless piece of sh*t Luke is’.
And it’s understood Shaw would jump at the chance to move to Spurs: ‘I hear they have some of the best treatment tables in Europe’, he gushed.
5. Henrique Hilario
Why? Only 3 things are certain in this life. Death, taxes and Jose Mourinho will sign Hilario as his 3rd choice goalkeeper.