Manchester United executive vice-chairman Ed Woodward has stuck the piano played by Alexis Sanchez on Gumtree as he desperately tries to recoup some of the money he squandered on the Chilean.
The 47-year-old former accountant placed an ad on the popular community website shortly after agreeing a loan deal for the forward with Inter Milan.
It has been reported that United will pay almost half of Sanchez’s £400,000-per-week salary to play for another team.
It brings to an end the 30-year-old’s 19-month tenure at Old Trafford, which cost the club approximately £8M-per-goal.
— Manchester United (@ManUtd) January 22, 2018
In the wake of the move, the Glazer family have requested a financial overview of Sanchez’s spell at the club from their vice-chairman.
And so, in a desperate attempt to offset a portion of the loss incurred by the club, Woodward is selling off the piano played by Sanchez during the cringe-worthy video the club released to announce his signing.
After uploading a snap of the piano to the classified ads site, Woodward wrote:
‘Full size 88 keys; beautiful satin finish; pre-owned by Manchester United legend Alexis Sanchez’.
‘£26M ONO – strictly no time wasters’.
Expecting a flurry of activity after posting the ad, Woodward set his phone to silent and nodded off in his favourite armchair he purchased from a con-artist who said it once belonged to Andre the Giant.
However, when the former investment banker woke this morning he was shocked to discover there had been ZERO enquiries.
Panicking, Woodward sped to Old Trafford in his Chevrolet to see if he could find anything else to flog.
The United supremo spent the morning rummaging through the stadium’s lost and found department and stumbled upon a few real gems.
Amongst the items where: Marouane Fellaini’s hairdryer; Ryan Giggs’ little black book and a half-eaten kebab which belonged to Romelu Lukaku.
Woodward posted ads for each of the items he’d procured which also proved to be unsuccessful – except the for Giggsy’s little black book which had one enquiry from a gentleman claiming to be ‘Bryan Goggs from Salford’.
The vice-chairman spent the remainder of the afternoon in his office pricing his left kidney on eBay.